Sometimes we get frustrated at the direction our lives take. Even those of us who love the Lord and know from reading our Bibles that God loves us. Why is it so hard for believers to trust God’s timing? I believe the answer is because we tend to think of God as the weathermen. We look to them to tell us the future, give us an idea of what is going to happen. But they are wrong half the time. So we get angry at them, we doubt their word, and we wonder why we listen to them at all.
His car is still packed.
I’m sure being a good uncle and brother was not on his list of priorities for this week. His priorities were selfish. Move to America, and start my new life. See Livvy again and hold her and kiss her. But God had other plans.
Then she told me her new favorite phrase was “Shut your face!” and it reminded me of that silly 80’s song Shaddup a ya face. That did it. The rest of the night after listening to it on Youtube we couldn’t stop singing it or speaking in Italian accents.
has been a test. This last month in particular. Ever since I found out about Martin’s true age. It seems that since then there has been one test after another. When his first job was taken away. I really did have “nerves of steel”. I was brave. I was sure of where I wanted to be, sure of God’s hand in it all, and I was unshaken. My mind was focused under the pressure and I was good. “Bring it on” kind of good.
But I have to say that this month I’ve felt like yelling at the top of my lungs. Cause when a big thing is looming it seems like the pressure is on doesn’t it? Like everything feels a little bit harder to manage. It can be done but it’s just a little harder.
I hear those words and I think back to Dublin. To seeing him on his first trip out and getting into an argument about the map right away and laughing. I think about him kissing my on Huntington Beach. I think about how excited he is every time he sees me. What his face looked like when he told me he got the job (the first time) in that little Greek restaurant in Windsor right after I landed in England. I know it is not accident we were there then and I know it’s no accident we are here now.
Last night was another one of those moments. He had a water polo tournament that was a few towns away and my daughter and I decided to have a girl day to celebrate my past birthday and her upcoming one. It was a great day. My ex just left to drop him off and he came over to give me a hug and kind of flopped onto my chest and rested there and said, “I’m so tired but not tired tired, just worn out. Mom? Can Chelsea come over?” This was the girl he took to the Homecoming dance who he now considered his girlfriend. I looked around my house. At the piles of stuff on the coffee table, on the floor. I knew there were dishes that needed switching over in the kitchen. Dust that collected from the dogs running in and out of the house. And as any smart mom would do I said, “If you pick up this house I will let her come over.”
The last week has been my biggest week in terms of views on this blog site. My anniversary month was my biggest month ever. Daily views have doubled. I’m not sure why? If you are new welcome. I kind of think of this blog as a personal diary of sorts but it’s obviously more than that. I try not to think about who else might be reading it and how it might look to an outsider. I’m kind of blown away again that anyone cares to read my words and my thoughts or gets anything from them. But it makes me feel like maybe this stuff I’ve been through is or could possibly help someone else. Maybe.
When I think about the Wizard of Oz I think of things like; love, courage, self-esteem, hate, vengeance, intimidation, friendship. Most of the characters in the book and movie are good but lacking. You could argue that the Wicked Witch for a raw deal in life and if she’d only had a shrink Oz would have been better off. But the one I always hate is the Wizard.
Martin packed up all his stuff today and then got an email from the American arm of his company that apologized for the delay, that they’d like to explain, and could he have a phone conversation on Friday. He was like…Friday I’m flying! Apparently not.