OK, I was bragging about how Harry and I never let a disagreement turn into an argument in my last post and the other night we met up after work for a quick bite to eat and it ended badly. Why? I don’t know. Different reasons, and we are all better now. But it just goes to show that it can happen to the best of us.
While it is odd to hear him laughing in the other room, I know without a shadow of doubt I don’t want history to repeat itself. NO way. I don’t want him back. That would be as maddening to me as a record that skips and keeps playing the same few lines over and over again. I want him to find a good life for himself and could only hope it would be as good as the life I have found for myself.
My thoughts are spiritual today. Seriously spiritual. I’ve been thinking a lot about worth. Who is worth it? Why offer forgiveness? Why give second chances? I learned the hard way in my marriage and with Slimeball that just because I believe and offer forgiveness does not mean they are worthy of it. It’s a hard lesson to learn. It’s even harder to exercise. Because it is in my blood to forgive. As Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.” I’ve tried to live by this for many years.
was right! He was just happy to be close to me. I did his laundry and folded things as I do and there was not one negative word. After our movie and New Girl we snuggled on the couch and he feel asleep. At one point I nestled my nose in his neck as he breathed heavy and then lifted his leg over mine and we were kind of wrapped in each other. Oh Lord. Please. Yes. This is what I want. This very thing. This man’s heart. Please.
Feminists will not like this post, but I don’t care. I lived for years as a proud woman who handled anything work threw at me and accepted (albeit begrudgingly my role as brain and decision maker for the family.) It was a burden. I didn’t want it and I didn’t like it. But I was strong willed and I knew what I was good at and was told what I was bad at so there it was. I was in an upside down marriage. I wore the pants.
Harry has never seriously dated anyone who is a full time mom. He’s never had kids or even been around kids. And his childhood was very um, shall we say, […]
So I don’t know why I was surprised when he suggested I watch a movie. He said it would be good for me to watch. Just a suggestion.
I took him up on it yesterday. And while he was on a conference call, we both loaded it up on Netflix, aligned the timecode, and watched it together. He at his office, and me in my bedroom.
Ok, I fully admit it. I was being a girl yesterday. A big girl, not a baby….but still. HIGHLY emotional. Not irrational, but yes I admit emotional. More than normal […]
I just typed 838 words of venting. I’ve been turning an idea over and over in my mind and nothing good is coming out anymore. I’m afraid I’ve over mixed. I’m at odds with Harry over a particular issue and I’m emotional today. After spewing with fingers flying for 20 minutes, I had to stop to retrieve my daughter from school.
Icebergs can appear to be of a certain size and shape if you’re only looking at what’s above the surface. Deeper, under the water, they tell a very different story. […]