I have been writing for 4 years now and have shared some of the most heart-wrenching and intimate details of my life. I had a plan when I was a […]
This blog has been an interesting and often times helpful experience. I think I’ve come to the place where I am going to once again choose to be private. It’s […]
Much of the changes that have taken place in my life since has felt like they were taking place in a vacuum. I’ve somehow managed to get away from the chatter long enough to ask myself some hard questions and listen to my answer and not anyone else. And the results have been interesting.
As cool as it is to see my visits on my blog hit 30,000 today…I didn’t do any of this to be noticed.
I never was overly concerned with being popular. What I wanted more than anything was to be genuine.
I just wanted to reveal my true self and not pretend to be anything or anyone I’m not.
just wanted to sit for some time tonight in the reality of my life in Christ. It felt good…it always does…So, just a prayer tonight. To my Lord, my Father in Heaven.
I’m really bad about tossing stuff out. I tend to hold onto certain things a bit longer than necessary. First they get set into a corner. After several months that pile gets moved to the garage, and eventually gets sold, given to good will or trashed. I don’t know why I do it this way. It for me is the process of letting go.
Letting go is hard. It just is. For some people more than others. And we are sometimes incapable of making clean breaks. But we keep heading in the right direction and we eventually get there.
When I’m alone with nothing to do I start typing and am often surprised at what comes out. But ultimately it is very simply my story. Not a historical account, not a fictional novel, and not really written for or to anyone but me.
These last few months I’ve had a lot of time to think about what my motivation is. What is my goal? Other than trying to make each decision in a godly way, I do believe it is up to me to decide what I want.
I think I’m in a tug of war with myself subconsciously. I know God wants me to be alone right now. I don’t know for how long. In actions I am being obedient. Mostly. But I know right now I have to get to that place internally where I am at peace with my aloneness. It’s the one thing I’ve avoided doing ever since my ex left. Being truly alone and content there.
I’ve experienced some regression in the past couple of days. I really don’t want to lay it all out there but it has to do with rationalizing and remembering and […]