Every moment counts. Every decision does too. And they all fold into each other like ingredients for the best recipe to create the masterpiece called your life. At the end of this year of 2011.
We did it. We had a great night. The pastor at church spoke to exactly what I needed to hear. Wait for the promise…it’ll come. Fair enough. Then a decent […]
I don’t have to mourn the loss of a life I hoped for that didn’t come true because I know I don’t want to be married to a man who lies to me. What I have in store for me HAS to be better than that! And it has to be better than being married to a man that doesn’t love me at all either. Both losses in my life were things I wanted very much but they didn’t work out.
OK – people I’m feeling stronger today. No email helped. I had a horrible night’s sleep riddled with bad dream after bad dream that I thankfully can’t remember. And I woke up every two hours thankfully to fall asleep again. But when I got out of bed I decided I was not going to let sadness get the bed of me. I grabbed my phone and signed up for the 9 AM Yoga class and by 9:45 found myself in the scissor pose. Let me tell you – it was NOT easy. But it was a good start to my day.
Somehow I just have to get through the holiday. While I have some plans they are loose at best and my biggest fear is that I’ll be alone. So I tell myself if that is the worst thing, I will be okay.
People say when they come back from war that a mere sharp sound can trigger a flashback. I know what these people are going through is worse than anything I’ve ever had to deal with, but I can’t help to think that getting over emotional betrayal is similar in how the pain sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Last night my daughter chose to watch Jane Eyre. I really didn’t know what it was about. I had a log on the fire so I was in the family room trying to soak up some heat while I worked on rewriting a resume for a friend. But the story kept sucking me in.
We all know monsters live among us. If you don’t believe me just look up where the nearest sex offenders are living and count how many are within walking distance […]
ts not enough to say you are “over someone”. It’s not enough to say I’m past the pain. For me the real question is what am I filling my void with? If it is anything but the Lord, I know things are out of whack. Once that void is filled with God – for real. Then I will be ready to invite someone into my life to share it with me. And not a moment sooner.
People are a different matter for me. It’s much harder for me to walk away from people. Especially if I feel like I need them.
I’m trying to get to the place where I don’t NEED them. I not only think it’s healthier but I think this is taught in the Bible. We are to put God first, not make idols out of people and keep our earthly relationships in perspective. Need God, want people. Not the other way around.
So it’s time for this girl to shut this door and lock it tight. Like people do front doors in New York City, with a hundred locks. If someone knocks on my heart again I will make them prove who they are before I let them in. I’m glad I stayed in contact as long as I did because now I know and I will never ever think that he was the one that got away. I will never have any regret about losing him. I was spared. It’s time for me to be done. I get being done now. I’m done with him. Done. I guess I never knew someone in my 42 years that I have ever felt that way about. He’s a first. Hopefully also the last.