What sets apart a survivor from someone who perishes? Barring a mortal wound of some kind each one of us has a chance of survival no matter what the circumstance. It might be slim but even if there is a slim chance, there is a chance. And I believe there are three critical components that drastically impact your ability to survive. Foundation, faith, and forgiveness.
I didn’t get much further than that sense of accomplishment when the thought struck me hard. When I get home, I am the one who will be putting this all together. I would of course force my son into slave labor to help me. Martin warned me to stay calm and remarked that he was glad he wouldn’t be there. I told him, “No you don’t understand. I’m good at this stuff!”
Let’s get connected!
Part of why I felt that way was because I felt woefully inadequate to meet the task. How could I parent my children without my husband? We’d been such an integral team and often his calm would balance my emotions. He helped with everything. I relied on him so much. How could I possibly get by without him?
When something or someone is taken away because of an illness or natural disaster I can wrap my head around it. But when it is the result of rejection by one person then it is hard for me to get because I know I couldn’t do that just because I felt like it.
This is what life is all about. And one of the reasons I’m still with Martin as he goes about his business, seeing what he has promised to me and his girls through. Making right out of the wrong. If I stick around I can celebrate with him his growth as a man, a father, and as a child of God. If I left I would miss out in that. Sometimes. Sometimes, it is worth sticking around.
It must be the thousands of people she talks to each day and the decades she’s been at it but my hairdresser is full of truth. I have been trying to grow out my hair in case I wanted an updo for my big day. Today I said she could chop it off so she knew something was up.
In the past I have hoped for outcomes, most notably my father’s healing, and the healing of my marriage. My lesson learned from that is that I can not hope too tightly for a certain outcome. I can and will pray for it. But my hope is in the Lord. And ultimately no matter what happens in my life, I know that I will be okay.
We didn’t talk much during the hour long drive home. He didn’t even want to look me in the eye. After saying goodnight to the kids I rested my head on his chest and we just sat there for the longest time. I could finally feel the rise and fall of his chest, the warmth of his breath and his embrace. He had things planned to share with me, he brought paperwork for me to see. But not yet. It was late and we weren’t alone. And it could be put off one more day. So we sat in silence for a while. I didn’t tell him but something happened to me while I sat there on the couch. All the fear I had conjured up in my mind vanished and I felt safe. It felt good to feel safe.