Other than a kiss and a hug we are able to share as if we were literally together physically. It is amazing.
I truly don’t know why they became a theme for me in my dreams but for 13 years they would appear vividly imprinting my brain. My last tornado dream to date happened right after my ex moved out.
I didn’t want to rewind back to familiar. I just wanted to push play and live in the present. It was a great moment for me. A moment when I knew my ex held no more power over me.
So the cat is out of the bag. I even changed my profile picture to one of the two of us. I love him. I want the world to know it. And now they do.
Speaking of hard times, I had a hard day. But not as hard as some. I made $200 extra bucks cause of a photography job. I have a nice warm (too warm but that’s just cause of the sun) house to live in. I am counting my blessings for sure. Because my colleague from an old job is dying.
You know on MacGyver when all seems lost and then he reaches into his bag and out comes the duct tape and as cool as a cucumber he saves the day at the last minute? Yeah, that is what happened with Martin.
Where at the beginning I would not let myself even conceive failure, now I had to face it. And it was brutal. Why couldn’t I just have been hit by a bus?
There are smells and colors this time around that I didn’t even know existed. Instead of a grueling experience trying to make everything work out and fit together I am just enjoying the ride. I am in awe of how good it is.
So for the first time in my life I’m starting to see myself not as prettier than I saw it before but I’m more accepting of myself. And maybe because I know that however I look is okay with him (more than okay), it’s becoming okay for me too.
I don’t know why I have left that up in my closet all this time. But it’s been there for 10 years and maybe I just didn’t see it. I was talking to Martin on the phone tonight and he said how good it is to look at your house differently and find new places for things that you haven’t thought of before. And I’m always in wonder when he says things like that not knowing how profound they are related to other things.