I remember my dad, I remember my husband. The two most important men in my life up until recently. Gone in very different ways. But gone all the same.
But I do know he likes it when I wear black. I’ve seen him cry (The Notebook), laugh, be slightly annoyed (it takes a lot to get him severely annoyed), be silly, be sorry, tired, hungry, nervous, proud. I know lots! But there must be something that I don’t know. I’ve been wracking my brains trying to figure out what it is.
It’s easy to dream up the perfect person and expect them to fulfill your every dream. To always say the right thing and look amazing and have them always want to give you attention when you need it and not when you don’t. But real love isn’t that shallow or perfect.
By mid-day I had not hear back from him so I called the insurance company and they confirmed that the insurance was no more. As of March 1. So I call my husband. Six times before he picked up the phone. And simply said, “Tell me what is going on.”
ee with an earthquake if your foundation is cracked into pieces you are finished. Your house is toast. And everywhere I turned there was another crack. Everything I built my life on was falling apart and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it. Before I knew it there were so many broken pieces that I couldn’t hold it all together anymore no matter how hard I tried. The foundation was bad to begin with. I know that now.
It’s not just a little break out by the way. It’s major.
But I am excited for him to come. To see him in the flesh again after all these hours of talking.
Everyday that he gets up at 6 AM just to catch me before I go to bed, he is telling me I’m worth it. He is going to a job interview the end of March so he can move out to California so we can “date properly”. I don’t know why him saying that cracks me up, it’s so English. But he means it. And that tells me I’m worth it too, and I’m beginning to believe it.
When he got home I practically attacked him with kisses thinking that he would be pleasantly surprised and I was shocked when he held my wrists, pushed me away and said, “What are you doing?” Not in a wow that is nice sort of way, but in a get off of me sort of way. I was heart broken. Truly. It was a defining moment. From that time on my antenna was up. And from that moment on I began trying much harder to show him how much I loved him.
Sometimes there are too many balls in the air. So many so that I know I’m dropping some. It’s like that Lucy episode when she is working at the candy factory and just can’t seem to manage to keep up with the line so she starts stuffing choclates into her mouth, pockets, and inside her shirt.
I was not looking to find Mr. Right in Ireland. I was not thinking I was even starting to date!! But I found someone who is proving to be lasting, and good, and right, and real. But this is where I’m running into some trouble It is getting serious quick.