Three and a half years ago I sat in my hairstylist’s chair sobbing, unable to contain my despair. My husband had just left me after months of me doing anything I could to save the marriage. He had told me it was all my fault and denied an affair but six months later he was openly flaunting the woman during outings with my two teenage kids. Such a painful time to remember. That was the first thing she said that came true. She said, if I had done all that I said I did…I was giving him no reason to leave so if he was leaving it was because he had another woman.
But she also said, I would find something better than I ever imagined and be rewarded for my faithfulness to God and my ex would soon be confronted with a time of misery. Mark my words…she said. I wanted to believe her but I didn’t. In a way, it seemed the logic was too easy and simple. Life is messier and murkier than that. I’m going to be rewarded and he’s going to suffer. Seemed too good to be true.
All I knew was that he was going off doing whatever he wanted, he was getting what he wanted and my life was shattered. I couldn’t see passed that.
I was elated a few months back when my daughter told me that his relationship with that woman ended. I thought maybe the break up in and of itself was justice being done. He clearly never seemed happy in it. I hoped the worst was over for him. He had just purchased a house, my son was moving in with him and there was much to hope for in his new life. But since, it has become apparent that he was not prepared for single life and he has descended into a certain kind of misery.
Three and half years later…her prediction came true. Vindication? A very tiny evil part of me feels that at least now he is sharing in the suffering his actions brought to our family. But I don’t wish him ill.
My ex is alone for the first time in his life. He’s having to do now what I did four years ago. He’s confronting loneliness, rejection, and sadness. The kids are worried about him and he seems incredibly preoccupied with filling the void he has in his life with another woman.
I know he’s having a hard time on the dating scene. Also, because he is so ultra private that he is also without a close friend to lean on. I know that I can’t help him. It’s something he has to get through himself.
The flip side of this is my life is anything but miserable. Here I am trying to keep my feet on the ground, blissfully in love to my core with a man who is my best friend. We’re stopped, often, by people who tell us how cute we are or how special are connection must be. Just Friday a waitress said, “I just have to say, you two have the greatest chemistry!” What we have really is special.
I posted a picture of myself on Facebook today and was promptly told by many how happy I looked. I thought wow, I really am as happy as I look!
This is my reward.
It was not immediate…and I had to wade through the muck to get here. I had to go through what my ex is going through now. I had to find my sense of self. But it’s definitely something better than I ever imagined just like she said. It’s not perfect…I didn’t want perfect. It’s real. It’s rich. It’s honest. And it’s going to last.
I’m grateful, just like my hairstylist said, that God is faithful and He does reward obedience
I know my hairstylist well enough to say that if you are in my ex’s shoes right now, and are feeling miserable today for mistakes you made in your past that she would say something like this:
“God has mercy for every heart that humbles itself before Him and admits they were wrong. God will use the circumstance you find yourself in to make you better, stronger, and more Christ-like if you trust His ways instead of your own. Because the misery that my ex is experiencing right now is not the end of his story. And misery won’t be the end of yours either. Have faith.”