Tomorrow


Is it just me (please say it isn’t) or does everyone have lists like this that exist only in their head? I go over and over these things but its a rare day when I actually do something toward accomplishing one of them. I do eventually put my clothes away. Oh heck, I do eventually do them all I guess but I’m always saying “Tomorrow”.

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Wow


What happened last night and today while it wasn’t pleasant was what I LONGED for in my marriage. OPEN, HONEST COMMUNICATION and not shying away from a discussion just because it makes you feel bad for a while. It was real. And I was so grateful for it. Even though I was sad, it was a dream come true.

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Backfire….


I felt like a Yenta who was chaperoning her pick for a match. I tried to get into the night just to have fun but I was miserable. All I wanted to do was be at home talking to Martin. I knew he would be worried that I was out and I hated that feeling. But my friend kept saying, “I’m so glad you are here this would be a really weird if I was just along with him.” She really did look like she was having a good time and it was nice to see her smile.

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Never Say Never


As soon as I let him go emotionally and mentally I began to heal. Up until that time I left myself very open to get stomped on by him. I let him know I would never give up on him, told him all the things I thought were worth it and highlighted his strengths. But he had already moved on months if not years ago. I was treating him like a husband because that was MY reality. But he was not acting like one. He had literally already stopped being my husband. He had broke his vows AND left me for months. And at one point I found myself realizing that whatever hope I was clinging to was wrong in two ways.

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Great Expectations


I remember thinking and probably wrote about it awhile back that I would trade every little thing I got upset about or made a comment about that seemed to important at the time just to have my life back. I think that is what happens to people who are used to getting their way. And honestly I was. I was used to it and expected it.

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