That is until recently. And I didn’t even realize it until today. This day that thankfully will not repeat itself again for four more years. There is one thing I’ve been so angry at God for that I would not even admit it to myself. Even as I sit here I find it hard to put into words. And it’s this. If Jesus is the the head of the church and men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, why have I never experienced that kind of love from a man? Why do they cheat, lie, and coerce? And these are men who say they love Jesus! These are men who profess to being Christian.
All of us have holes to fill. All of us. But what are we filling those holes with? Busyness, and work for some. Sex and relationships for others. Drugs or alcohol. Hate and bitterness? God?
I told myself and I wrote in the last blog that I was not going to push myself to be braver than I felt comfortable. And I gave it shot. But I had to be true to myself first. So I’m sure he’s mad at me right now. Hopefully he will be able to see that I saved him from worse heartache had it gone on longer. But it still sucks to hurt. It sucks to be lonely. Four dates.
I’m learning to look for different things in a man. Assertiveness, not aggression and not passivity. Decisiveness, not opinionated beyond reason, or mr. go-with-the-flow. These two things I’m finding are very important for me to find in a man because if he doesn’t have these things, I will tip the balance my way.
When my ex was in high school, his mom was walking home from the market one day and was followed home by a pit bull. It was a stray. She […]
When I’m alone with nothing to do I start typing and am often surprised at what comes out. But ultimately it is very simply my story. Not a historical account, not a fictional novel, and not really written for or to anyone but me.
Been there done that with my ex, and others. I don’t want a lop-sided relationship like that ever again. Where you think you’ve met your prince charming who seems so great. He lets you watch what you want on TV, he picks restaurants you like, he brings you things you like without you even having to ask for them. You say thank you. You say wow I didn’t expect this. But after years of it. You begin to expect it because that is just how he is.
The transformation that has taken place in my heart and my head in the past three or four days has left me speechless. Utterly. Let’s just say I’m the kind of person you want if you’ve been charged with a crime on your jury. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt much longer than most people. But even I have my limits.
Sometimes I think it’s just better being friends with people – men. Don’t mess it up with kissing. Friends stay. Love interests don’t. Like a friend said to me the other day, men are frogs, they jump from lily pad to lily pad because they don’t wanna get wet. It’s the princesses who don’t mind getting wet. It’s true sometimes. Men leave. Women pick up the mess.
I’ve gotten used to being a single mom. It’s been three years. I’m used to their dad’s participation in their lives being a nightly 5 minute phone call and a […]