If I’m not enough for Martin then so be it. If I’m not enough for any other man or for my mom or anyone else….I have to be enough for me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of forgiveness lately. I know that I am to forgive Martin for what he did but what does that really mean? As women who have been through divorce I know many of us played the part of forgiving our husbands of wrong doing. Sometimes we forgave many times over when it was not even deserved. And I guess this is where we get confused about the difference of the unconditional love of God and the forgiveness He expects from us because he forgave us.
a word from Martin via my birthday card
If the world didn’t keep going. If everything stopped the way we wanted it to because of our pain, we would be stuck wouldn’t we? We would be stuck in that moment forever.
no words today. Just this song.
I’m upset today. Post-birthday let down? I tried to keep myself “up” yesterday. It was hard but I did it. Today I’m just alone.
Good-bye 40 and hello to a new year. I pray that it is less eventful than the last. I pray that I am delightfully surprised by what happens next in my story.
Now I’ve found out that the ride was older than I was told. The risks to me are greater. There are things to consider. And it’s not just that he lied, although that is huge. It is the truth of his age that has come to light. Does it make me not want to love him anymore because he’s “old”? No. I love him, that is a given. I already love him. Under a false set of facts -yes. But I can’t change the fact that I love him.
He’s moving here in 21 days. He’s resigned officially from his position. And I told him that I would not abandon him as a friend. But I could not even consider marrying him anymore. He’s coming anyway.
This is the real deal. Not a fantasy. Not a fairytale. Not a movie. Real life. And I for real am in love. Head over heels but eyes wide open in love with a flawed but tender spirit who fills me up. He is more than he is not. I know this to be true.