The Embassy said that if the company faxes the proper paperwork and it confirms what Martin has said, he should be cleared to travel as soon as tomorrow. He will be leaving his home to a new home. I think in many ways he is searching just like those characters in The Wizard of Oz. I haven’t completely decided which one he is. In some ways he is like the Cowardly Lion. He is all talk. “Let me at ’em” kind of stuff. But sometimes when things get scary he disappears and hides. Sometimes hides behind lies. In some ways he’s like the Tin Man who has had a life void of real love and meaning in his life. Empty in a way and now is learning to fill it up with a love for God and for me. At times he reminds me of the Scarecrow because he does things that make me wonder if he has any brain at all but also seemingly innocent in his missteps. But he’s definitely on a quest. I’m worried for him. I’m hopeful for him. I’m excited for him.
When I think about the Wizard of Oz I think of things like; love, courage, self-esteem, hate, vengeance, intimidation, friendship. Most of the characters in the book and movie are good and they only think they are lacking some great quality only to find they had it all along. You could argue that the Wicked Witch got a raw deal in life and if she’d only had a shrink Oz would have been better off and she maybe could have been more normal. But she is the picture of a person destroyed by the sin of bitterness. I have empathy for her. The one I hate is the Wizard…The Wonderful Wizard of Oz who makes your dreams come true. Not so fast… a bumbling oaf of a guy who can’t seem to get his business off the ground through honest means resorts to exaggerated claims about his abilities and posing as something he is not. That’s real life. In Oz he manipulates people who have a genuine desire to better themselves for his own gain and maintains a sense of power through fear. I don’t ever feel sorry for him when he’s found to be just a small, foolish old man behind a curtain.
His only redeeming quality is that once he’s found out he turns from the error of his ways. He puts every effort into helping the people who truly deserve help especially after sending them on a wild goose chase into danger. But even in the end, I don’t like him. Honesty is huge for me. I hate that he is selfish. He’s just selfish. He’s out for number one and lies to get what he wants.
Ironically there is a tornado in that movie. Last night it was an earthquake for me. An enormous table came crashing down on the legs of a girl. It fell in slow motion. That’s all I remember. The dream was quick but I remember lots of details. Especially the feeling of the foundation being rocked.
I have lots and lots of things swirling around in my head. I’m sure attributing to my natural disaster nightmares. Painful things. I’m afraid of getting whacked by one of them and finding myself waking up in an alternate reality. With Martin living a block away, seeing him everyday, and wondering who he really is. Finding out if he is who he says he is. Peeling the curtain away will reveal the truth I’m sure. It’s only a matter of time. I am afraid at what I will find. I’m afraid. I really am. I want to trust him. But I don’t know if I can. As much as I love him I’m afraid he still hasn’t told me the whole truth. And that I’m being taken for a fool.
Time will tell. I hate to sound fatalistic. I guess I’m just in that kind of mood today.