She said, “Spill it, who is he?” And put the cape around my neck a little too tight. My face gave me away this time. I started blushing and couldn’t stop smiling or maybe it was the tourniquet around my neck? She loosened it shaking her head saying, “Yep, that’s what I thought…who did you meet?”
And I said that I hadn’t met anyone new but am getting closer to someone I’ve known well for about a year and have been friends with for many months and now we’re dating. She was interested as I told her the story of how we were friends and didn’t think anything would come of our friendship for lots of reasons but then when you find yourself only wanting to talk to that other person and they become your best friend and you realize this could be someone very special…it’s hard to be “just friends.”
I told her how smart he was and how we connected on so many levels. I snuck in at the end the part about Harry not being a believer and practically held my breath as she hesitated a moment before responding. And only after missing one beat, she said, “Just pray for him.”
No one really knows how much I pray for Harry. I pray for his business, for his health, for us, his relationship with my children. And yes I do pray for his heart to be opened to believing. But I told her that I was not actively pursuing that but both of us really wanted him to come to belief on his own if that is what happens. She agreed with me and said, “Yes, because that’s not you…you don’t push, nor should you.”
Then I said that I was worried about how my work colleagues would take the fact that he isn’t a believer and she told me that it was none of their business.
I brought her up to date on the recent closure I was able to get and she was overjoyed at the news. She said it’s so easy for people to say, “Get over it.” because it didn’t happen to them. And it usually takes half the time you were together to get over someone.. This time last year you were here. Now look at you. Wow.
She said, “I was here at the beginning (she pegged that my ex was in a relationship), I’m so glad you were spared last year and everything that you didn’t know was revealed (she is one of the few people who told me not to listen to other people as much as myself). I’ve seen you get strong after being really weak, and learn from mistakes and I know you are special and I’m really excited for you.”
I know she meant it. She saw me in my weakest moments, when I couldn’t hold in the tears after my husband left, when I thought no man would ever love me again. She looked back with me in conversation today at how I convinced myself to love when I wasn’t ready and with someone who gave me huge doubts. She was so happy to hear that with Harry neither one of us aggressively pursued the other but it was something we both fell into mutually and naturally. And overjoyed to hear how it just keeps getting better.
She said, “Does he take your breath away? Because he should. It may sound funny to say and it should always start first in friendship, but if he doesn’t take your breath away, you’re settling.”
I did understand her point. Harry is the first one in my life who I’m literally weak in the knees when I’m around him. One kiss and I’m butter. He asks, can I call? And no matter what I’m doing I say yes. I drive hundreds of miles to be with him. And I’m not in this because he’s meeting my needs. He certainly does when we are together but our circumstances are less than ideal. I’m with him because I have to be, like I have to be with my right arm. I don’t even think about what life would be without him anymore. It’s not a thought and will never be as long as we both shall live.
I didn’t communicate it quite like that with my hairstylist. I played it cool. But she sees it written on my face. I told her how good it felt to have mutual respect and balance and to not just be someone’s prize.
She said this, “I don’t tell you things that aren’t true, so here’s your wisdom from your hairstylist for today: You are the additive.”
I asked, “What do you mean?” I usually get illustrations and analogies. But this one had me stumped.
She said, leaning forward and looking straight into my eyes, “You know when you’re cooking and something doesn’t taste quite right because it’s missing something you just don’t know exactly what? And then you find that something to add in. The additive. And then you know what was missing. You are that and guys know that. Now you know what it feels like to find that thing that has been missing with Harry. Everyone else you had to convince yourself to love. But he takes your breath away.”
I really like my hair too. But the conversation today was probably worth more.