Tailor Made


I went to my therapist today.  First time since early December.  I only cried once which is saying a lot for me.  The last time I was there I had just gotten back from Ireland and told him what a great time I had.  How much I laughed and just felt like myself again.  I played pool, I danced, I ran in the rain, screamed at the closeness of oncoming cars and generally felt that I had climbed out of the hole I had been in for two years.  I also told him about meeting my friend from England whose name is Martin.

My therapist asked for an update.  And the more I talked the more his eyes grew as well as his smile.  You have to admit it’s quite a story.  I’ve spent hours crying at my appointments explaining how for some reason with my mother and with my husband I never seemed good enough.  And even though I have good friends who tell me I am and give me reasons, their opinions for one reason or another were easily dismissed.  I have never felt “worth it”.

But every time he flies out to see me he is telling me I’m worth it.   Everyday that he gets up at 6 AM just to catch me before I go to bed, he is telling me I’m worth it.  He is going to a job interview the end of March so he can move out to California so we can “date properly”.  I don’t know why him saying that cracks me up, it’s so English.  But he means it.  And that tells me I’m worth it too, and I’m beginning to believe it.

And I think he is great.  First of all he is extremely loving and makes me feel beautiful.  He is the most balanced adult I have ever had the pleasure of getting close to.  He is fun loving but doesn’t make himself a fool.  He is successful but not a lover of money.  He is fit but does not worship his body.  He is wise without being arrogant.  He is silly without being dorky…no wait.  He is kind of dorky.  But I LOVE THAT.  He has no need to put on a front of “coolness”.  He just is who he is.  And he is wonderful.  He makes me smile, he makes me laugh and he makes me feel like me.  And that is something else.  It is exactly what I needed.

Right after my husband left.  In fact the entry was dated March 5 of last year.  I wrote about all the characteristics in a man I wanted in my next mate.  And I picked up that journal a while back and read a years worth of entries from cover to cover.  When I got to that one.  I was stunned at how my words described him to a tee.  Shocking really.  I forgot I had written the entry.  It’s like he was tailor made for me.

All I know at this point is that my hesitations are getting more and more difficult to rationalize.  Perfection he is not.  But perfect for me, he may just be.

This song came to mind while I was thinking about him today.  I’m a Colbie fan, what can I say?

Tailor Made – By Colbie Caillat

Twenty-five,
All of these mixed emotions,
Tangled up in pure confusion,
It’s hard to let go of the past, but it seems,
Easier as time is moving,
Well you said he makes you laugh,
And he makes you happy,
He sees you smiling back,
It is everlasting,
And so he’s tailor made for you,
With stunning golden hues,
And one sweet tone to soothe,
Your persistent beating heart it’s just a start,
And I, have seen you everyday,
You’ve never been like this before,
He’s tailor made, tailor, tailor made,
So let go all of these mixed emotions,
Forget all your hesitations,
Together entwined inside this feeling,
Feet off the ground, head hits ceiling,
Then he whispered in your ear,
He’s absolutely falling,
The words he said are clear,
So don’t insist on stalling
Because he’s tailor made for you,
With stunning golden hues,
And one sweet tone to soothe,
Your persistent beating heart it’s just a start,
And I, have seen you everyday,
You’ve never been like this before,
He’s tailor made,
Oh sister, don’t be troubled,
Oh sister, please be calm,
Cause this isn’t, what you’re used to, at all,
He’s tailor made for you,
With stunning golden hues,
And one sweet tone to soothe,
Your persistent beating heart it’s just a start,
And I, have seen you everyday,
You’ve never been like this before,
He’s tailor made, tailor, tailor made.

2 responses to “Tailor Made

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s