About a year ago I watched a television show called I Do Over. One couple had a terrible storm hit their outdoor wedding, one couple’s groom fainted at the altar. […]
There are only a few pages left to my current chapter in life. Three months and my daughter graduates. Six months and she’ll be moving into dorms. And me? Let me tell you what I HOPE happens and why I am hoping so much!
I hate hope sometimes cause it makes me want something I don’t have and it seems unfair. But our conversations build up the hope cause we talk about how much we want to see each other and that feeds into the hope.
So I kept staring at Harry today, listening to him talk and every now and then kissing him or letting him kiss me. When I’m with him I feel like time stops. It’s the best feeling in the world. When I study his face I know deep down that he’s in my life now forever come what may. He’s part of my heart. I love him. I know me. I know what that means. I’m not sure I know what it means for him. I’ve made the mistake before of transferring my value system onto the expectations of someone else and it kept me from being able to even conceive of the lies that I had to deal with. I would never lie like that therefore he would never lie either. I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I don’t want to be wrong again.
I woke up to the news of tornadoes ripping through Branson and other parts of the Ozarks. I read the reports of walls being ripped off buildings, people being sucked […]
Emotions are like that sometimes for me. I think there is no way he’ll get to me again. For goodness sake it’s been 3 1/2 months! But the warnings are real. Emotionally speaking I’ve been sucked in again. Sucked into the tumult of the waves being tossed from the extreme feeling of hate and contempt back to love and compassion. Sucked into the noise. That awful, loud, white-noise of excuses, reasons, explanations, plans, promises, and solutions. It’s confusing. Sucked into the fear and hope that simultaneously pulse through my body. Sucked into this feeling, even when I’m so angry I can hardly see straight, of being home with him.
In the past I have hoped for outcomes, most notably my father’s healing, and the healing of my marriage. My lesson learned from that is that I can not hope too tightly for a certain outcome. I can and will pray for it. But my hope is in the Lord. And ultimately no matter what happens in my life, I know that I will be okay.
To long days sitting, dreaming and breathing
too short are the minutes of quiet emptiness.
When I first met him almost 4 months ago, I may have looked confident on the outside but my heart was incredibly timid. And when it became apparent that we were getting along great and he was great I slowly started opening myself up to the idea that maybe just maybe my life was taking a turn toward the silver lining.
I lived my entire life that way. Believing. And when things got tough, I became even more inspired. Bring it on! I would say. We can win, we will win, we have already won! With my friends, with my family, with my resources and my skills and with the LORD…we will conquer all! And then the big battle came