Sometimes life has this way of putting us in our place. We can build, and work, and plan, and think that we have everything under control and then something happens […]
You hear people talk about the new normal all the time. But I’ve been craving normal for a while and tonight I was assaulted with the old normal. I went […]
I got up from my chair and hugged both the kids for the longest time and they both made fun of me but it struck me that I wouldn’t have too many more dinners around the table with them.
I had a problem. And just like he did the night I posted Standing in Front of You, Harry was there for me as my best friend. We discussed it over the phone and we shared ideas and feelings and thoughts and that conversation led to a deeper one about me and he began describing me to me and he was exactly right.
Harry says that one of the downfalls with guys is being able to read when a girl wants to vent and when they are asking for help seeing things in a different way. Today I asked Harry to call me during my ride home from work. I just learned from my ex that my son got his first speeding ticket today. He was going 35 miles per hour in a 25 mph zone. He was one of three cars that got pulled over at the same time. Speed trap. I was worried, and frustrated, and had the hardest time not seeing this as a negative. He only got his license to drive about 3 weeks ago for goodness sake!
And he listened and could tell I needed help. And right about the 71 freeway along the 91 he said…”You know Mom….this might be a blessing in disguise. He’s a new driver. He’s a novice and he needs to drive carefully. What will get him to this more than a ticket? And the threat that if he gets another one within 18 months he will have a point?”
I started laughing for the first time realizing this was a very good point. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I always think of everything before anyone else. And here he was swooping in to HELP ME. And yet again I realized why I’m in love with this man. He’s the cheerleader I’ve always wanted and so many other things too.
There is a certain smell in a used car sales office. Men sit behind desks and look at screens and smile and shake their heads. You sit on a chair […]
After our company left tonight she said, “Mom we talked about everything and I was totally myself with her. I can’t believe it, I’ve never met anyone like me before.” She was on a high, almost giddy. I heard the squeals coming from her room that proves it…my daughter has never had squeals coming from her room…
Tonight was emotional. It was probably inappropriate but I said, “Eighteen years ago you were sucking on my breast…I kept you alive and I did that for a year. And I know it’s been eighteen years but I’ve invested my life. I’ve sacrificed jobs and countless other things willingly to be and do what you and your sister needed. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. But that investment leaves me wanting so much for you and it’s hard for me sometimes to watch you forget things and make mistakes and not be emotional.”
When I walked through the door home from church, everything changed. I felt like someone changed the channel. My romantic comedy was replaced with a drama. One of those after school specials with stressed out teenagers who take all their frustrations out on their mom cause she is an easier target than the volleyball coach that hasn’t played you in three games. An easier target than a band teacher who has practically forced you to be in three performances outside of your regular class load despite two performance festivals, and finals looming.
I think Dad’s in particular have a hard time with this. They blame themselves for everything because they feel responsible for everything. And when they screw up it’s their fault. When their marriage falls apart and they leave the home and don’t see their children as often, it’s their fault. Or when they lose their job or can’t provide for their families it weighs heavy on them. They start to punish themselves in destructive ways to them and to the people who love them. Some men just don’t feel worthy of their children’s love so they never come around. Some men start to drink or do drugs. Whatever it is, it is their punishment for the wrong they did.