There was a part of me that really wanted to take a step back and watch whatever happened between my friend and my ex. Morbid curiosity? She is just the kind of person he needs. The only thing is, he is not the kind of person SHE needs.
The details of my memory are poor. If I haven’t written it down or taken a picture of it, it’s generally lost in a black hole. I have many photographs […]
At dinner tonight my daughter and I were munching on our tacos and talking about the fact that her dad put a bid on a house that was accepted. Moving will put him closer by about 50 miles to his children which is a good thing. I asked her a bit about the house and then I said, “Well, it sure would be a lot better if Daddy just wasn’t with her anymore.” My daughter looked down at the table and shook her head and said, “He’s not.”
It’s not every day that a person can say, I spent the evening with my ex and actually had a good time. But I did. We sat there all civilized like at the football game waiting for half-time where we were to escort our daughter onto the field in honor of her four years in band. I have completely healed from that break up. WOW.
He sat across the table from me eating the food I cooked for him and he loved it. We laughed, we talked, and we smiled a lot. We do a lot of smiling. The dim light and candles on the table made him look even more beautiful to me and I told him how handsome I thought he was. He doesn’t think he is. Not classically so perhaps but amazingly beautiful to me.
I’m facing the next year with hope and excitement. I’m laying down my expectations I had and learning that sometimes they get in the way of the good stuff, which I want desperately.
I’m the queen of testing. Someone tells me they love me? Really? For real. You think so? But what if I do this? or this or…that? I grew up in […]
Later that ounce of victory turned into a bit of remorse when I learned my ex had called my daughter and put pressure on her. His very words were, “If mom can bring him to the talent show I should be able to bring M to your concert on Sunday.” I have yet to meet M. I’ve never wanted to, In fact I’ve dealt with quite a bit of unresolved animosity toward her over the years complete with thoughts of lopping off heads and scratching out eyeballs.
But apparently today is the day. And the crazy thing is I’m starting to warm up to the idea.
So it’s time for this girl to shut this door and lock it tight. Like people do front doors in New York City, with a hundred locks. If someone knocks on my heart again I will make them prove who they are before I let them in. I’m glad I stayed in contact as long as I did because now I know and I will never ever think that he was the one that got away. I will never have any regret about losing him. I was spared. It’s time for me to be done. I get being done now. I’m done with him. Done. I guess I never knew someone in my 42 years that I have ever felt that way about. He’s a first. Hopefully also the last.
My ex has informed my children that instead of coming to church with us and back to the house for a meal and opening one present like we’ve done the last three years together. Or instead of broaching the subject of a different arrangement for Christmas Eve this year to me. Which he has priority over for that day. He has decided that he will spend Christmas Eve in San Diego and will pick up the kids the day after Christmas and celebrate then. I’m sorry but Christmas is over by then. The magic I talked about in my last post is gone. It’s clean up day. For the life of me I can’t figure out how he has reached the point with his own children that he would choose her family over his own.