About a year ago I watched a television show called I Do Over. One couple had a terrible storm hit their outdoor wedding, one couple’s groom fainted at the altar. […]
Highs are cool. Perfect nights like Harry and I had on Thursday. But highs do not sustain a relationship. Nor does normal life. I know a ton of couples who have “normal” and are wallowing in unfulfilled boredom. No – what really makes or breaks a relationship is how they handle stress. When someone or something snaps how is that person a support to you – or not. It’s like the normal days you get up, you train, you prepare, you live. The parades you boast and celebrate. But it’s in the trenches where you see what you’re made of.
Much of the changes that have taken place in my life since has felt like they were taking place in a vacuum. I’ve somehow managed to get away from the chatter long enough to ask myself some hard questions and listen to my answer and not anyone else. And the results have been interesting.
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I think back to that short period of time (I’ll grant you that it WAS short) when I was single. I tried very hard not to look for a new man because I didn’t want him to be a mere replacement part. I wanted it to be like I’ve said before finding the masterpiece painting at the garage sale. There was a period of time when I prided myself in NOT looking and being content where God had me in the moment.
I’ve had a couple of email interactions with Martin this week and it’s got me reflecting a little bit on what happened to us. We were so close to getting married and then it all blew up. There were many reasons for this but I had already established a pretty pathetic pattern of allowing him to lie to me. He’d lie, I’d find out, I’d get mad, then I’d forgive him and try to believe all his excuses and after a little while things would be generally back to normal. As bad as the lying was, it did not break us up.
And that is us right now. We are lovesick. Whenever I catch his eye I can’t stop looking at him. I can’t stop smiling. Our faces hurt sometimes from smiling for so long. We are working on our 5th month as a couple. How long can this last? I hope forever.
I woke up this morning and my skull hurt. My eyeballs felt like they were bulging out of my head. My throat was dry. I could hear my son’s feet […]
That is until recently. And I didn’t even realize it until today. This day that thankfully will not repeat itself again for four more years. There is one thing I’ve been so angry at God for that I would not even admit it to myself. Even as I sit here I find it hard to put into words. And it’s this. If Jesus is the the head of the church and men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, why have I never experienced that kind of love from a man? Why do they cheat, lie, and coerce? And these are men who say they love Jesus! These are men who profess to being Christian.
ts not enough to say you are “over someone”. It’s not enough to say I’m past the pain. For me the real question is what am I filling my void with? If it is anything but the Lord, I know things are out of whack. Once that void is filled with God – for real. Then I will be ready to invite someone into my life to share it with me. And not a moment sooner.