With book in hand my first dilemma was which nightstand lamp to use. So I turned on both. Then I realized if I had some water I would be too far away from it to grap a sip. There are benefits to being on one side or the other apparently. I did notice how much more firm the middle of the bed was in my 15 year old mattress.
I was talking with a friend a few weeks back who has emotionally recovered from a very hurtful end to her marriage. She is not concerned with dating and is fairly content with her day to day life which does not include a man. I asked her where in the bed she sleeps. And she told me she sprawls out all over the middle of hers. And it made me wonder if there is a connection between where we sleep in the bed and whether our hearts are holding a space open for a new man. If we truly are content how we are should we be able to let go of that space? Maybe it’s just a force of habit and it has nothing to do with our hearts. But maybe there is a part of it that decides every night to keep that spot open.
I’m finding that so many things in life are like that. Once you improve something; like your waistline or your spiritual life, you have to keep at it. It’s not enough to do a good thing one time. It has to be maintained or you will lose it.
But it’s hard to stop eating those french fries and drinking those cokes. It’s hard to put down the cigarette. And after a day or two trying the rationalizations begin. It’s not so bad. It’s only once. Just a little bit won’t hurt. And before you know the habits are not changed but instead reinforced.
I don’t have to mourn the loss of a life I hoped for that didn’t come true because I know I don’t want to be married to a man who lies to me. What I have in store for me HAS to be better than that! And it has to be better than being married to a man that doesn’t love me at all either. Both losses in my life were things I wanted very much but they didn’t work out.
OK – people I’m feeling stronger today. No email helped. I had a horrible night’s sleep riddled with bad dream after bad dream that I thankfully can’t remember. And I woke up every two hours thankfully to fall asleep again. But when I got out of bed I decided I was not going to let sadness get the bed of me. I grabbed my phone and signed up for the 9 AM Yoga class and by 9:45 found myself in the scissor pose. Let me tell you – it was NOT easy. But it was a good start to my day.
Somehow I just have to get through the holiday. While I have some plans they are loose at best and my biggest fear is that I’ll be alone. So I tell myself if that is the worst thing, I will be okay.
People say when they come back from war that a mere sharp sound can trigger a flashback. I know what these people are going through is worse than anything I’ve ever had to deal with, but I can’t help to think that getting over emotional betrayal is similar in how the pain sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Last night my daughter chose to watch Jane Eyre. I really didn’t know what it was about. I had a log on the fire so I was in the family room trying to soak up some heat while I worked on rewriting a resume for a friend. But the story kept sucking me in.
We all know monsters live among us. If you don’t believe me just look up where the nearest sex offenders are living and count how many are within walking distance […]
ts not enough to say you are “over someone”. It’s not enough to say I’m past the pain. For me the real question is what am I filling my void with? If it is anything but the Lord, I know things are out of whack. Once that void is filled with God – for real. Then I will be ready to invite someone into my life to share it with me. And not a moment sooner.