I remember thinking and probably wrote about it awhile back that I would trade every little thing I got upset about or made a comment about that seemed to important at the time just to have my life back. I think that is what happens to people who are used to getting their way. And honestly I was. I was used to it and expected it.
But I do know he likes it when I wear black. I’ve seen him cry (The Notebook), laugh, be slightly annoyed (it takes a lot to get him severely annoyed), be silly, be sorry, tired, hungry, nervous, proud. I know lots! But there must be something that I don’t know. I’ve been wracking my brains trying to figure out what it is.
Everyday that he gets up at 6 AM just to catch me before I go to bed, he is telling me I’m worth it. He is going to a job interview the end of March so he can move out to California so we can “date properly”. I don’t know why him saying that cracks me up, it’s so English. But he means it. And that tells me I’m worth it too, and I’m beginning to believe it.
When he got home I practically attacked him with kisses thinking that he would be pleasantly surprised and I was shocked when he held my wrists, pushed me away and said, “What are you doing?” Not in a wow that is nice sort of way, but in a get off of me sort of way. I was heart broken. Truly. It was a defining moment. From that time on my antenna was up. And from that moment on I began trying much harder to show him how much I loved him.
When I first met him almost 4 months ago, I may have looked confident on the outside but my heart was incredibly timid. And when it became apparent that we were getting along great and he was great I slowly started opening myself up to the idea that maybe just maybe my life was taking a turn toward the silver lining.
I lived my entire life that way. Believing. And when things got tough, I became even more inspired. Bring it on! I would say. We can win, we will win, we have already won! With my friends, with my family, with my resources and my skills and with the LORD…we will conquer all! And then the big battle came
Today he is presenting an award at the Tower of London. He sent me a picture of himself in his tuxedo looking as dapper as I’ve ever seen him. And I thought. Who wants to date? He is amazing.
The moon that I looked up at, made wishes to and kissed under back then is the same one today. Same moon. And I just wonder if there really is somewhere out there for me?