Harry and I have been on a high lately. Everything has been full-steam ahead and there have been no glitches. None. Our pre-marital counseling is going so well. The one-on-one with our pastor has challenged us deeper into our commitment to each other and to our faith. Harry prayed at the end of our last session and has taken the charge of being spiritual leader very seriously. Up until this time, because of my book knowledge and experience being a Christian for over 20 years, Harry has followed my example. But there has been a definite shift this week. He knows he has a lot to learn but he’s accepted the challenge. I can’t tell you the positive emotions I’ve felt as a result. Everything from pride, to relief, to love and admiration for us because of how this is all playing out. Everything has been so great and I feel like we were really doing all of it “right.” Not just because someone expected it of us but because we knew as good as it was it could be better. So we took the harder way but it’s paying off.
The other day Harry and I were chatting and looking at rings online because he finally received a payment from a client that was severely late. With that knowledge alone, I gave him my opinion on what I liked or didn’t like, but ultimately I urged him that this was his choice not mine. I’m so afraid of seeming greedy. I love a particular Tiffany setting but that store definitely prices their pieces based on their “brand recognition”. So Harry decided to have an identical ring made, just without the name, which was smart and I don’t care about brands anyway. He went to the jeweler to pick out the diamonds and once there couldn’t bring himself to get me anything less than what we originally wanted. It was more than he set out to spend and when he told me he did it…something in me felt good. Instead of my typical self wanting to save money at all cost, I felt very very appreciated. Given the fact that the last time someone proposed to me they valued me so little they got me a fake ring they tried passing off as real and when I gave it back…it was replaced with…um… no ring – when I heard that he got me a center round that was over a carat – I actually felt loved. Does that make me materialistic or a typical girl?
I had no idea at the time this meant that Harry over-extended himself a bit and in 12 or so days needed to come up with thousands more than he anticipated. I was just happy someone loved me that much. And not just someone. But MY Harry. My best friend who I never thought would, could, or should love ME – at least at first. MY Harry. Who I can tell anything, share anything, experience anything with. My Harry. Who is big, mean, and arrogant sometimes on the outside for show and is vulnerable, sweet, and loving on the inside for real. My Harry who knows everything about me and still loves me. He loves me that much? Wow. It meant so much to me.
What a high we are on. We are right with the Lord. We are right with each other. Everything was going so well…and then a very strange twist of fate happened yesterday. We found ourselves at odds – oddly enough. Neither of us wanted to be. Neither of us even really caused it. But it happened. Weirdly enough.
Anxious but confident he could make everything happen financially speaking for the wedding, the ring, the honeymoon and beyond. Harry was working hard on deals, and billing and everything he could possibly think of that would bring in more money by the end of the year. And then he got word that he sold his product to a client who was willing to wire him the money in full Next Day. He was overjoyed, elated, he had done it. All the money and more that he needed would be in his account by the end of the week. He wanted to celebrate. THIS WAS BIG.
My day on the other hand wasn’t so great. I woke up to more projects than I could complete at work. I had an argument over text with my son about responsibility, helping, and respect. It left me feeling deflated, worried, and sad. I had my three-month check up yesterday for my cervical biopsy that came back abnormal. I hate pap smears. It was nerve-racking. About an hour before my appointment my hair dresser reminded me that my pre-wedding appointment was not only the same day as my doctor’s appointment but scheduled at the same time. Luckily she moved my appointment to later in the afternoon but I felt like a jerk for it. My house was a disaster and my housekeepers were coming the next day. I already put them off for two weeks because I’ve been so busy I haven’t been able to pick up the house enough for them to clean it. So I felt pressure from all sides. The house, my job, my kids, my body…Christmas, the wedding. Yesterday was my freak out day.
Every time I talked to Harry I was crying. I was so emotional. He was so great. He listened, and encouraged me…everything was fine so far…but somewhere in the midst of me crying and him trying to get home to be with me…he wondered why I wasn’t happier for him and his BIG DAY. I was so immersed in my emotional challenges that I failed to even grasp the fact that this day was a huge leap forward for Harry and his company. I missed the bigness of it. Like the end of a long season that ends with a big unexpected win – Harry was set to celebrate – and then I called him and I asked him to come home to be there for me – that I needed him in tears. It brought him down.
He didn’t understand the bigness of my emotions and I didn’t understand the bigness of his happiness and we were not connecting emotionally at all. All of a sudden we were looking at each other both wondering why the other person wasn’t UNDERSTANDING us. And it was perplexing and upsetting. If felt like we were literally under attack by forces outside ourselves trying to take away the pure goodness that exists between us and replace it with hard feelings.
And then something else happened. Something very unexpected. Somehow against tremendous force pushing us toward what could have been a really big fight…we fought back that urge instead. Instead of yelling, over-reacting and panicking, instead of allowing the circumstances to ruin our outlook, we chose to stand firm in our love and respect for one another and talk it out. We were determined not to let the enemy win this one. We are too close to the goal line. This is too good to unravel over a bad day meeting a very good day.
We said things like, “Don’t you see…” and “Tell me what you were thinking when…” and “Don’t you understand that…” Eventually after much discussing and hugging and a few salty kisses we started to smile and laugh. There was this wave of emotion that nearly took us out…and we stood firm. And when it was receding Harry said,
“You know what just happened? We did it. We did exactly what we talked about in Pastor Michael’s office. We didn’t yell, no one threatened anything, we listened to each other and look at us! It’s because of his wisdom and because of the Word and we are having a moment.” We put our heads together, wiped the snot and tears away from each other’s faces, kissed and decided to go out to dinner. When the meal was served to our table Harry took my hand and he prayed.
“Thank you for getting us through tonight, thank you for this relationship, for how we listen to each other, for the wisdom Pastor Michael gave to us on Tuesday that helped us all because of you Heavenly Father…so thank you. And thank you for this meal – Amen”
After dinner we both looked at each other and new we were once again closer because of our conflict than further apart. We knew this attack did not come from within our camp but from outside. It surprised Harry how it was clearly a spiritual attack. I told him that from working in ministry for over ten years, I’ve experienced it a lot so it didn’t surprise me. But we held onto each other and didn’t let it win. We won instead.
Tonight is our do-over. We are going to celebrate Harry’s victory with his company. And I’m not going to let the little things that happen in my day today get me down and discourage me. We are not battling each other and I hope to God never will. We are on the same team and we have each other’s back.
Eleven more days and I will marry the man of my dreams. The man I always wished for and wanted. Physically, an amazingly handsome and strong man. Emotionally, a discerning, perceptive man. Socially, the funnest person I will ever know. Intellectually, my equal. Spiritually, a willing and capable leader.