Going with the Flow


I went with my family to Hawaii in 2003.  My daughter was 7 and my son was 9.  We took them snorkeling at a popular wading area called “Shark’s Cove.”  It was gorgeous.  There were big ravines just under the surface that gave the illusion that you were much further out into the ocean than you were.  We saw wonderfully colored, beautiful fish both large and small.  And then we saw a turtle.  We were so excited we just followed it for a while and before we knew it we were at the drop off (think Finding Nemo)  The water grew colder and we wondered how we had gotten so far so fast, with such little effort.

Here I am sitting in my family room typing to you wondering the same thing.  I am about to get married.  YAY!  In 58 days.  I will once again be a married woman.  The reality of that is starting to trip me out a bit.  It feels like just yesterday I kissed him for the first time.  Ever since that day I’ve been practically mesmerized with happiness.  We go from date to date wondering how it could get any better and then it does.  When we go out, we always have a good time no matter what we do.

When we stay in – sometimes it’s even better because we are alone and we share some wine and listen to music on the patio.  We dance and talk all night.

And when we need to take care of business, we just do it.  We make everything work.  I don’t know how.  It just works.  And it’s been so easy.

It’s as if I’m lifting my head from following that turtle out to sea and wondering how I got in so deep so easily and so quickly?!  SO little effort!

I’m 44.  I’ve been treated badly from two men who meant a great deal to me.  I should be more wary, or scared, or something.  THIS IS THE DROP OFF…the deep, blue sea of MARRIAGE where things can get cold and unspeakable things can happen behind closed doors.  It’s a scary place where sharks can rip your legs off.  RIGHT?

Maybe, but this time it’s not like I’m exhausted from trying to get to this point.

When we vacationed another time in Mexico I took the boogie board out for a ride or two in relatively shallow water and got caught in a rip tide.  No matter how hard I tried getting back to shore, I would advance about 5 feet and then get pushed back.  By the time my 12-year-old son came out to rescue me (and he did).  I was absolutely depleted of all my energy.

That’s how it is sometimes when couples determine themselves to stay together and even get married, even though there is conflict all over the place.  By the time you reach the altar you’re both just saying, “Let’s get it over with already…I’m tired and hopefully once we’re married things will get better! Maybe marriage will fix all our problems.”

But that is not Harry and I.  We are so excited and things are so good between us.

Saturday we went together to book the venue for New Year’s Eve.    The band is all lined up too!   And we decided since Harry has to work in New York the next week that New Year’s Day we’ll just jet off to NYC together!  I must be the happiest girl in the world right now.  I can’t imagine anyone happier.

No dread, no worry, no doubts. There is definitely a flow we’re giving ourselves into.  We’re riding the tide of happiness and contentment.

It’s our time to be in bliss.  Why not?  It’s been a long time coming for both of us.

And I’m proud of us because we could have fought the tide.  We could have been scared by how well we got along, and how serious we felt for one another.  We could have denied what happened between us.  I mean…Harry was that guy in high school who I didn’t like.  He was an arrogant jock bully.  And I was a pent up soc who was closed off.  How in the world can we think this will work?  We could have created issues of worry and concern out of the fear of what lurks in the ocean of love.

But we talk a lot.  And we often check in and say…”This is good right?”  We don’t avoid difficult conversations for the sake of peace.  We don’t create conflict to make a stupid point.  We just happen to be two people who like each other a whole lot.  And yes we love each other too, but as I’ve said in the past, I think “like” is a greater feat.

I for one am not getting married because of some picture in my head of the kind of life I want.  I’m content right now with my life.  The only reason I’m getting married is because Harry has become my partner in every shape of the word.  He and I are just confirming what has already taken place.  We will never leave each other’s side.  For as long as we both shall live.  We are going to be there in richer or poorer.  In sickness and in heath.  In the good times and the bad.  It is just the way it is.

And after we say “I do” it will simply be more of the same.

It is the confirmation of commitment that will unleash I think an entirely new level of love between us.   People already tell us how cute we are all the time.  We both gush over each other.  It’s so clear to anyone how much we like each other.  I wanna be that married couple who after 30 years people say, “How do you do it?”  And instead of saying…”A happy wife is a happy life…” or something other men say after they feel railroaded into marriage and let the woman win all the time…I want us to say…” We are simply best friends.”

We had a debate the other night about what Harry should call me.  He’s posted on Facebook a couple of times that I’m “his girl” and it made me wince a little.  I don’t even know why.  It just sounds interchangeable I guess…I could be anybody if all I am is his girl.  But in our discussion Harry decided that after we were married he would from then on refer to me as his bride.  And I could definitely live with that!

After twenty years if I can stay his bride…the one he wants to marry over and over again, then I will be the luckiest and happiest old lady out there.

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