A Good Match


After dating a year and a half I still greet Harry at the door.  I still get excited planning meals for him.  I still climb onto his lap to my happy place and snuggle my face in his neck.  We are still just as spontaneous and happy to be anywhere with each other.  It doesn’t matter if we are chilling on the couch watching TV or at a fancy or not so fancy restaurant.  The world still stops around us when we kiss.

WHY?

What is the key to our happiness?  Why is it so easy with him?

Every other relationship I’ve had has gotten more complicated and more difficult over time making it harder for me to be as loving and vulnerably sappy as I am with Harry.  As you get to know a person and they let their guard down you see things you didn’t see in the beginning.  That is pretty much a given.  Only with Harry, what I’m seeing is something I really, really like.

He’s real
He says what he means.  When he tells me he wants to be with me he really does.  He doesn’t say anything for my benefit alone.   That pretty much goes for anything even things I wish he wouldn’t say and don’t like.  He is real with me.  Completely real.

He is not perfect
He’s a slob.  He leaves his socks on the floor, he starts things with every intention on finishing them but runs out of time or puts them off.  He picks at food in the kitchen before its ready.  Thank GOD someone who I have to contend with a bit as much as he has to contend with me.  It makes for much better balance than being with Mr. Perfect.  Much better and I  know…I was with a Mr. Perfect for 23 years.  The thing is…no one is perfect.  And Mr. Perfect types can’t admit their imperfections, they don’t want to own up to them at all.  It’s all about perception instead of reality. He is a real man who is not perfect.

He is a natural  and benevolent leader
His heart is good and he wants to help, teach, and build other people up naturally as part of his character.  He will act and do what it takes to keep things going in the right direction but he will not railroad over people he cares about.  He doesn’t need the limelight and he doesn’t need strokes to keep going.  He’s self-motivated to raise himself and others to the next plain.  And with that determination he sets his path toward something he sees, a vision for a better life.  He’s not complacent with what he has.  There is always room for improvement.  I love that.  I love that so much I can’t even tell you.

He lets me in
He allows himself to be vulnerable with me.  He is not keeping me an arms distance away.  When things are good we relish our time but when he’s going through something difficult emotionally, physically, with work, with family…he opens up to me . We are each other’s main advisors.  Not exclusive, but we definitely go to each other first in most circumstances.  Like true friends and real partners.

He is MAN
I’m not in competition with this relationship.  We understand and know our roles that we’re best suited for and it simply works. I don’t even care if that sounds sexist…its supposed to.  He loves to watch me no matter what I look like and tells me how much he loves everything about how I look.  He loves how pretty I am but he also loves the realness of my body and all it’s 44 years of wear and tear.  He loves that at times I’m a wreck and need him to help me too and isn’t threatened by how emotional I can be.  He understands that I want to do womanly things for him.  And as a man he assumes responsibility for not only the financial leadership of the home but the burden of being knowledgable about everything that needs to be planned for.  I’ve never ever had any of that.  I love it.  Not to mention he holds onto the remote control most of the time and watches football while I cook in the kitchen.  YES.  A real man allowing me my domain in the kitchen.

He’s hot
I have to admit I’m absolutely in love with his body.  His size is enormous.  We were looking at pictures from when we went to New York this summer and it is almost funny how small I look standing next to him.  But I love it.  I love how big he is because of how I feel when he holds me and because I always, always feel safe when I’m with him.  I’ve always prided myself on allowing myself to fall in love with someone’s heart and mind and then I become attracted to their body.  As if somehow that was more honorable and deeper than being so shallow as to be affected by someone’s looks.  But with Harry…it’s definitely raw attraction that would be there if I loved his heart or not.  I LOVE his body.  And I’m here to tell you it makes a HUGE difference.

He’s fun
I have more fun with him than I’ve had with anyone.  He lets me be my silly self always.  He is up for just about anything.  He likes to go out and have a good time but he and I can spend hours on our chairs in my backyard talking, laughing, and listening to good music and have just as much fun.  I know sometimes life throws curveballs at you and things get rough.  Harry and I have definitely persevered through some tough times but one thing is always true with us.  When we are together we ENJOY each other fully no matter what we’re going through.

A year and a half in to my previous relationship, I was giving BACK a fake ring because I discovered for the first time that he had lied about his marriage being over.  I was riddled with doubt and trust issues because of multiple lies.  I was fighting to keep us together against tremendous pressure.

What an enormous difference.  

Was there love between us?  Sure.  But it was forced.  Managed.  Manipulated.  And most definitely it was hard.

After looking at it over and over again…I think Harry and I are simply a good match.  We are on the same level of maturity, knowledge, affection, socio-economic level, attraction, common sense, and sense of humor.  We are not identical in any way.  But we match up at very key points like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

A bad match rubs and chafes over time.  A good match doesn’t.  Maybe we both knew what we were looking for and simply found it in each other.  Of course I know there is nothing simple about it.  It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

After my experience with Harry I DO NOT BELIEVE that every relationship can be magical if you simply follow a few guidelines, rules, or steps.  NO.  It can help make a bad match livable.  But it will still be a bad match.

I used to think that if there was love that it would be enough to turn something hard into something easier.  I spent a lot of time and energy trying to fill gaping holes left in previous relationships.  Asking why can’t he be like THIS….?  And why can’t I be more like THIS?

Most people are not blessed enough to find their perfect match.  Most people don’t even know what it feels like.  But THIS is the best match I’ve ever had.  And from a person who has been in bad matches before.  The difference is that it is EASY.  99% of the time, loving Harry is the easiest thing I do.

So if your relationship is hard…take a good hard look at it BEFORE you get married.  BEFORE you move in together.  BEFORE you completely give your heart away and fall in love.  And ask yourself how easy is it to love him?  If it’s hard at the beginning it will only get harder.  Mark my words.

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