I spent a few minutes reading the blogs I wrote around my birthdays since 2009. They were interesting snapshots marked by much reflection and hope for the future. WOW – I’ve come a long way in 4 years. Wow.
2009 – I turned 40. I learned that my husband loved another woman and got publicly drunk at a piano bar when all the men in the restaurant got down on one knee and sang “You’ve lost that loving feeling.” My sisters and friends surrounding me wanted to kill the piano men. But there it was. I think it constituted a sort of rock bottom for me. I was a 40 year-old divorced woman with two teens. I thought I was unlovable. I didn’t even love myself.
2009 Lesson – LIFE DOESN’T ALWAYS GO ACCORDING TO PLAN – SOMETIMES IT SUCKS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
2010 – I was becoming my own person, traveling, making my own choices, becoming a responsible single mom and homeowner. I said yes to opportunities looking back I should have said no to, but I didn’t have the benefit of hindsight. So it’s just part of my story and definitely makes that story more painful but also more interesting which taught me good life lessons.
2010 Lesson – IF SOMETHING DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT IT ISN’T – TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS INSTEAD OF A SMOOTH TALKER WHO MAKES BIG PROMISES.
2011 – I thought I was engaged. I thought I was looking for a wedding venue. I thought I had a new-found trust with a solid Christian man who wanted to be my partner for better or worse. But that unraveled and everything I thought had to be sorted out twisted detail by twisted detail. 2011 was my year of being rescued from insanity. I thank God for revealing it, I thank Harry for helping me through it.
2011 Lesson – THE TRUTH WILL REVEAL ITSELF BIG TIME IF YOU IGNORE THE HINTS ALONG THE WAY AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS, ITS GOOD TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
2012 – This year was one of healing. Of finding my center again. Of accepting myself for who I am instead of trying to be someone who I could never be. For that, I have God and Harry to thank. It was also a year of transition from being a full-time mom to being a mom of two adult children. It would be the end of high school. The end of my children living with me. The end of my life as I knew it. For the first time since I was 17, I was asking myself, “What do you want for the rest of your life?” This chapter wasn’t going to be dictated by the constraints of my role as mom. This chapter was going to be more about me. And I was looking forward to all that change instead of being afraid of it.
2012 Lesson – AUTHENTICITY RULES IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE. BE REAL. BE REAL. BE REAL.
2013 – Today I turn 44. This year has been like cooking a good stew. There are my children, one away at college the other struggling to become a man. They lend a flavor to my life each their own. Some days bitter, some days sweet. There is Harry who is the key ingredient. Along with me, we create the dish. And there are my family, my friends, my job, my church…all giving my life nuances of flavor that make this stew unique to me. And this year we have been melding those flavors slowly. Its getting to the point now where we don’t know where one flavor starts and the other begins. Harry is a part of each of my child’s lives. They have their own thing going on. My son works for Harry part-time and they have a good relationship. My daughter has bonded with him in her own way. Harry and I are inseparable. And when we do clash we come together stronger for it. Each day is becoming OUR day. What are OUR plans. What do WE want. What should WE do about this? It’s beautiful. It’s the way it should be. And I’m perfectly content and happy on this birthday of mine for the first time in…wow…since I can remember.
Last night while working out Harry mouthed the word PARTNER to me…I walked over to give him a hug and kiss and he said, “You know I have your back.” And for the first time in my life I believe I’m with a man who fully understands that concept. We have each other’s back. I’ve found my one true love and my partner in life.
2013 Lesson – WHAT YOU THOUGHT SUCKED BACK THEN, WAS ACTUALLY GOD PERFECTLY PLACING YOU ON A NEW PATH TO A BETTER FUTURE IN HIS PERFECT TIMING.
So Happy Birthday to me. It’s been quite a life. Definitely not boring. Definitely worth living.