I will admit I’m a romantic and a sucker for well crafted words. I’m not saying that all men who say the right things are scum of the earth because I know plenty of them are not. I just so happen to know they were not past loves. Because the guys I fell for usually said ALL the right things. ALL the right things. Everything a girl wanted to hear…it was said. And it wasn’t said glibly. No. It was said with heart. With tears even. With pledges of undying love.
I will love you forever. I will take care of you. I will be so proud to have you at my side. I will respect you, and listen to you, and adore you. I won’t be easily discouraged. I will fight for us. And on and on and on.
But when push came to shove. All those words went out the window and were replaced with a cold and bitter wind that forced me to reach for the frame of that window and slam it down hard.
Bad apples? Perhaps. Or maybe they were romantics too in as much as they thought that if they wanted something enough they could make themselves or will themselves to comply.
Harry. My Harry is not such a man. He fights those romantic tendencies. He feels it and instead of riding its wave he argues against it and gives me every reason in the book why I should not trust him or be with him. I’m this. I’m that. Are you sure? Cause you know…this is truly what I am.
And yet. For Harry…the proof is in the pudding. I listen to him spout off about what a risk he is and yet day in and day out he exemplifies a man who adores and loves one woman and desires to be true. A man who wants to be honest and even if it disappoints in the short-term a man who ultimately shows himself to be worthy.
He’s troubled by the fact that with me, there is a twinge of something akin to jealousy in his heart. Something that feels territorial. He says he’s never felt it before and I suggest that perhaps it’s love. Perhaps it’s him knowing that we are peers. Maybe that for me, being with him is as much a choice as him being with me.
But what settles the score, is that we are both playing our cards wide open and in full view. Whether we can be with anyone else is a moot point.
Someone else once told me they loved me. I believed him and he said so many wonderful things to me. But he didn’t live up to his mantra. And it created strife, and sadness in my heart.
Harry creates peace. Because what he says is what he does.
We are going to the gym together and he’s helping me take my fitness to another level. When you have heavy weights in your hands and you’ve done 12, then 10, then 8…and you’re are on your last 6 and you’re body is shaking, the sweat is dripping, and you can’t help but grunt and grimace. There is no hiding there. It’s everything you have – out there on the table.
It’s my turn, then it’s his. And we work at it, and we keep choosing a higher weight, until it hurts. The work will pay off. We will see results, not only in what people see on the outside but we will feel better on the inside.
And that is kind of how it works with honesty too. If you are what you say you are and you do the hard work to be that…you feel good about who you are…and being good keeps getting easier cause you see the benefit of it all. There are no lies to cover up. Nothing to deny.
I have said for the last few years…”prove it.” Do what you say, say what you mean. It speaks volumes. Louder by far than any words.
My Harry is sweating, huffing and puffing, and doing everything he can do to prove it. And he is.