We all know that some people should definitely not wear spandex. But you have to admit that since it’s introduction into the fabric of jeans, other pants, skirts, shorts, tops, and bathing suits we all started looking and feeling just a little bit better. Spandex is comfortable, it gives around our flaws and it allows us to breath. And it makes us look good cause it hugs our curvy parts and shows them off.
I had a boss one time who would often tell me, “The reed that is able to bend doesn’t break.” He said this when he knew I was stressed out over being asked to do something that was nearly impossible, inefficient, and required much extra effort and work. I would look up at him and smile, grit my teeth and push on. But there was always this extreme stretching of my patience, my comfort, and my abilities. Over time it left me feeling completely worn out. My body began to revolt over the constant stretching with sickness, disease, and a less than positive attitude.
This kind of fatigue can happen in relationships too when two people are together who want different things. One is pushing while the other one is pulling. It might not be fighting that is the issue. It might just be that one person likes hum drum and the other wants to keep trying new things. One pushes, the other one feels pulled. Or one person likes a certain level of clean pushing the other one to conform to their shape instead of their own.
When we talk about a couple being a good fit for each other….it is issues that are usually beyond…FAR beyond attraction. A couple can be attracted to each other but if those other items in life don’t “fit” there will be constant pushing and pulling forever. No matter what. Like a foot trying to fit into a shoe that is the wrong size. Or a woman choosing a dress that is too big on top and too skinny around her hips. It just doesn’t work.
It’s no one’s fault. It just doesn’t work.
The cool thing about spandex though is that it conforms to the exact shape you are. It’s flexible enough to allow you to breath and move and even grow and change. But it holds its shape. It doesn’t require change from us. That is the kind of relationship I want and the kind I think I have.
Harry challenges me all the time. But he never asks me to be anything I’m not. We stretch, we grow, we bend but we maintain our original shape. We are who we are. It’s comfortable. It’s easy. It feels right. It’s a good fit.
And when its a good fit – it’s flattering. It’s beautiful. And other people see the goodness because its beautiful to them too.
Ever wear a pretty dress and have someone walk up to you and say, “Where did you get that? I want one!” Yep. I can’t tell you how many times Harry and I have had strangers and friends come up to us and say the same thing. “Wow what you guys have is amazing. I want that.”
I know for a fact that Harry has had many bad fits. I’ve had my share too. It’s hard to find a good fit. Really hard. Especially at our age when our bodies are not what they used to be. I can’t go into a store and know for a fact that the size 2 dress will fit me. I’ve been up to a size 10 with no luck. My hips have had two children. My boobs have breastfed those children. Things just aren’t as tight and snug as I’d like them to be. But eventually you find what works.
Same with people we all have different philosophies, ideas about family, habits, expectations about sleep, sex, cleanliness, entertainment, hobbies. And tons of baggage too.
If you’re dating a person who is not a good fit – believe me – you know it. Cause there is conflict about what to do, where to go, what to eat, when to sleep, who to socialize with…whatever it is or maybe it’s just that when you’re around them you are simply bored. You and that other person want different things and aren’t connecting. And it feels lousy. You know there is something wrong.
The trick is to not settle at the very beginning on something that doesn’t suit you. The trick is picking the best fit and not compromising on things you know you need and deserve.
We are a result of our choices. Our life can either be one of constant pushing and pulling that leads to stress and fatigue, or one that feels comfortable, allows you to breathe, and stretch, and grow.
Choose wisely…choose what looks good on you. Don’t think that if I only lose a few pounds here or there then I’ll be able to wear this comfortably. No. You won’t. Don’t buy it. It’s the same reasoning that says, “He likes hanging out with the boys and gives me one night a week but that might change after we get married.” No it won’t. Or, “He is rude to me when I ask him to help out around the house but when he actually lives here it will get better.” Uh uh. Or, “She and I don’t ever sit and snuggle together which I would really like…but I won’t miss it.” Yes you will. Or, “She likes to go out by herself without me and it’s ok, I don’t feel left out.” And yes you do.
None of these things are deal breakers in and of themselves, but if there are enough of them where you are compromising your dreams, your needs, your desires…or that other person is expecting you to conform to them instead of you conforming to each other…then this person is simply not RIGHT for you no matter how much you care for them.
My son dated a very sweet girl who had a very good work ethic and was not particularly affectionate. He waited weeks for a kiss sometimes. He sat at home because she made plans with other people. He sat at home while she studied. He got such a small piece of her, eventually he realized they were simply not a good fit. It was sad, but true. And important to realize as early as possible.
Before promises. Before sex. Before your lives get so entangled that hurt and guilt creep in making a break harder.
I’ve learned this the hard way. But after a year with Harry I’m still beaming, I’m still in wonder and awe of how we compliment each other. And I’m jumping up and down at how good this fits into my life. I can’t imagine – Lord willing – that we will not be able to weather the storms of life together, making each other stronger, better, and more beautiful as the years go by.