Undone


goodbye_smlThis blog has been an interesting and often times helpful experience.  I think I’ve come to the place where I am going to once again choose to be private.  It’s not that I have run out of things to write about.  It’s just that I can’t bear anymore reading my mistakes so expressively written.  It makes it too real.  Maybe we aren’t made to remember our lives in such great detail.  Maybe memories are just supposed to disappear and we’re better if they do.  Sometimes people are made to disappear.  I’d like to.  Just poof.

I guess that’s too easy.

I don’t write about people without telling them first and I think that has been a mistake.  What I say exposes my vulnerabilities and gives men a confidence in my love for them that for some reason instead of garnering respect and good treatment it creates a sense of invincibility for them that ends in heartache for me.

It’s not easy sharing some of the stuff I have.  I’ve really put my neck out there.  Maybe there is also such a thing as being too honest.

Harry disappointed me last night.  That is putting it mildly.  Not sure I can do this again.  Not sure I want to either.  I just feel undone.

Whether Harry and I can pull through this is going to be something I keep to myself.  Maybe it’s an appropriate end to my improvised life.

Maybe having a plan and sticking to it is better after all.

22 responses to “Undone

  1. I am sorry that you are having to go through this difficult time. I understand your need for privacy. I hope you know how much you have helped so many of us who have been privy to your happiness, sadness, joy, laughter, and disappointments. So many times your life mirrored mine and I was so grateful to read your blog. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Remember…if you touched the life of one person, then that was enough! I wish you many more moments of happiness, but remember that we always appreciate the mountain tops more when we’ve been in the valley. Good luck to you!

    • awe thank you so much and I do know it was worth it to spill my guts out. I’ve heard from more than a few how it has helped them. It always humbles me to hear it.

  2. Oh Livvy, I’m so sorry to hear this. I will definitely miss your blog very much. I completely understand your need to do this though. Sometimes, I feel like the same way with the people from my everyday life. I can’t imagine broadcasting my personal life to the general public. You’ve taught me a lot & made me think about a lot of different things & I want to thank you for writing this blog. You’ve touched my life in a very positive way & I am sure many other people will agree. Good luck & God bless.

  3. I also agree with the comments before me…sad to see you go, but I understand. Please continue to write in a private setting since I think it helps you gain clarity and your words are beautiful. I hope you and Harry are able to work it out and please know you have touched and helped several people through your blog. God bless and take care.

  4. Livvy,
    I realize I am just an anonymous reader, but I want to echo the above comments and let you know that your honesty and integrity has opened my eyes and given me hope in my own life. There are so many of us that struggle in the same way but don’t have the confidence in ourselves to speak about it publicly. I’m sorry for your hurt, but I do believe that God will bless you mightily!
    Take care…..Vaya con Dios!

  5. Oh Livvy. I don’t know what to say. Your journey has been more than just a story. I’ve admired your strength, your resilience, most of all your courage to love, to believe and to overcome. I understand your need for privacy, but it’s not going to make me miss you any less. Take care, Livvy and God bless you always.

  6. Thank you so much for your comments. I’m going to continue to write privately. We’ll see, maybe one day I’ll publish the ending. In the meantime I’m going to see what life is like keeping my thoughts to myself.

  7. Oh girl, I’m so sorry to read this! I completely understand worrying about who’s reading and what they’re taking away from it. I also can tell you that being my most vulnerable, while difficult, has helped me through so much.

    Sending you much love and healing, whatever you decide.

  8. Livvy, I was so sad to read your blog entry. I hope you and Harry have had a chance to resolve your issues, but if not, know that I am thinking about you. Your blog has been an inspiration for me. If you choose to go private, I will understand but will be sad!

  9. Oh I am sad to read this – but obviously support your decision. Also sad to hear about what happened with Harry. ((hug)) stay in touch?

  10. Livvy, I have never met you, not am likely to, but your kind words over the last 6 months, along with your posts, have given me such hope and inspiration. I myself have blogged less and less over the last few months, but have still continued to write privately, so I know just how you feel, to a degree. I sincerely hope that all works out for you and you find the strength that you need. Keep going girl x

  11. I just found your blog (going through some stuff with the hubby, did a google search and you came up!) so now I guess your absence will force me to read your archives. Maybe by the time I am done you will be back? Keep your head up and smile 🙂

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