I think back to that short period of time (I’ll grant you that it WAS short) when I was single. I tried very hard not to look for a new man because I didn’t want him to be a mere replacement part. I wanted it to be like I’ve said before finding the masterpiece painting at the garage sale. There was a period of time when I prided myself in NOT looking and being content where God had me in the moment.
But at lunch today I asked to see it for myself and he wasn’t sure if that was a good idea but I said, “No, I can handle it.” And so he did. And at first my heart just ached for his poor wife who either has a twisted agreement with him or who was completely in the dark. Because what he showed me was a picture from this past July of Martin on the beach kissing his wife and looking lovingly in her eyes.
I had a problem. And just like he did the night I posted Standing in Front of You, Harry was there for me as my best friend. We discussed it over the phone and we shared ideas and feelings and thoughts and that conversation led to a deeper one about me and he began describing me to me and he was exactly right.
I will be honest. Today was a rough day. Had a horrible sleep but woke up and called Harry earlier than normal and had the best talk. He is so good to me. Drove into work with his thoughts running through my head. Prayed for my coworker named Buddy who is losing his battle with cancer. So hard. I got choked up at one point but held it together. Another coworker has a lump in her neck and it’s tested as likely lymphoma. And her mother who is 99 years old is also in late stages of cancer. Lots of heartache. Lots of turmoil.
Last night I wrote a post that I probably shouldn’t have written and have since taken down. Only 5 people read it so that’s good. It was one of those times where I was just chewing on an idea and it made me angry and I wrote with little restraint. It’s got me going back into that messy garage to the section where I put everything I didn’t understand that happened a year ago Part of me really wishes I could know more about why things happened the way they did.
Last night after I wrote my post I kept thinking of my friend whose name is Buddy. I couldn’t sleep. At 2:30 AM Harry and I began chatting. I told […]
It’s hard in moments like this. This wonderful amazing gift of life we all get is also unpredictable and can be very sad. One cannot exist without the other. The shadow proves the sunshine for without light there would be no shadow. It’s a very hard truth. But such is life. And you can disagree, and fight it, and hate it but that doesn’t change anything.
Improvised Life 