Full Heart


I know I’ve been posting a lot lately but I can’t help it.  Tonight Harry’s lunch inspired me to do a chopped steak patty on a bed of lettuce with grilled onion, garlic and jalapeno in the patty, pepper-jack cheese and red onion on top for dinner with a salad.  It was seriously great.

My daughter and I were eating as my son walked in the door and we invited him to eat with us but he wanted to register to vote instead.  Today is the cut off.  He grabbed the laptop and sat at the table with us.

We had a discussion about politics and his leanings both socially, economically, and spiritually and he decided to be Republican so he had a say in our closed primary although he is more Libertarian than anything.  I was proud of him for thinking it through.

I teased him that we would go to the polls together and I would get a picture of him voting for the very first time.  🙂

As I was savoring each bite of my dinner I listen to my children who were now more like adults discussing social policy and then descend into an argument about who made the track pad sticky.  Insults were hurled and they realized how ludicrous their argument was and started to laugh and I burst into tears (tears again…something is going on lately.)

I got up from my chair and hugged both the kids for the longest time and they both made fun of me but it struck me that I wouldn’t have too many more dinners around the table with them.  I kissed my son’s whiskery face and my daughter’s forehead.  Nights like this are SO few and far between anymore.  My heart was melting.  Truly.

“Lucy is hungry.” I told my daughter.  Lucy’s front paws clawed at my legs.

“Poor Lucy.” she glibbed back.

“Lucy…she doesn’t care that you’re hungry.” I said giving my daughter the evil eye.  It worked.  She got up and fed the dog.  AND when I handed her my salad bowl and plate she sighed but walked over to the sink and washed them out for me.  I smiled knowing she didn’t want to do it.

“Hey, I made you a good dinner!”  I said in my defense.

We had a Kelly Clarkson Spotify station blaring from my computer while we ate and I went over to it to check my email.  She followed me out to the living room and sat down practically on my lap and wrapped herself around me and nestled her head in my neck.  We sat there for the longest time listening to the music and I rubbed her arm and felt my baby in my arms.

When Price Tag by Jessie J was on, she made fun of me for not knowing my left from my right on her twitter as I chair danced from the couch but I didn’t care.  We were singing it together and we reminisced dancing to that song on Dance Dance on the Wii.  Good times.  She was hugging me and sinking into me like she actually wanted to be there.  Incredible.

Then from the other room my son yelled, “I need help!”

I jumped up and he was kneeling under the table trying to fix the fact that after Harry came over and leaned on our dinner table it’s been drooping so bad that anything round rolls right off.  It wasn’t Harry’s fault it’s been on its last leg for a while.  Funny though.

He said, “The leg got unglued.”

I held up the table while he pounded the leg with all his might with his hand trying to get the peg back into the post. In the end it didn’t work to fix the table that I got for $30 from my cousin about 10 years ago and I’ve been wanting a new one.

“Time for a new table.”  I said.  We all agreed.

Then to my surprise my daughter started hugging me in the kitchen and we swayed back and forth just holding each other for the longest time again.  SO RARE.  She never wants affection…ever.  I was soaking it up.

Now she’s eating a drumstick ice cream and talking to her dad on the phone who has NO clue how great this night was for his family.  He has missed so much.  And thankfully I am getting to relish it.

So few days left like this.  My heart is very full.  Very full.  And the tears are streaming down my face as I finish this post.  So emotional.  Geez.  But so worth the emotion.

One response to “Full Heart

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