My Future


As of yesterday, I have lived 43 years on this planet and most of them very happy ones.  As dysfunctional as my family was, I didn’t know a family I  would rather belong to.  I’ve had interesting careers and work experiences, I’ve known great people and even history making influential people.  I’ve not been without love for long, even the end of marriage was very mild compared to others I’ve heard about.  I have two amazing and wonderful children who want to have a good relationship with me.

My kids are soon to be 17 and 18 years old.  They will very soon have their own lives.  I’m excited to see how our relationship will change as a result of the choices they make for college, careers, life partners, where to live.  I hope whatever they do, that we are always close and able to see each other casually and often.  I love them so much.  But they don’t want to hang out with me as much as anymore and they are busy.  So I’ve filled the void they’ve left with things that please me.

I run, I exercise, I watch movies and I pretty much am comfortable with my own company, most of the time anyway.   If I have to be alone at least now I know I can be.  And it’s not the end of the world.

But when I look into my Harry’s eyes, I see my future.

I see a million possibilities related to him but he is at the center of every single one.  I can’t think of one scenario that doesn’t include him in the rest of my life.  And since last week, my love for him is at a whole new level.  A level I didn’t even know existed.

It’s like when you visit the Empire State building you get on the elevator and the top floor you can hit is 80.  It lets you off at a little gift store area with some history about the building and you have to get on another elevator in order to get to the top.  I’m sure some people are happy just getting to the 80th floor.  There are nice things to see and buy, and you can learn a little something and look out the windows.  I’m sure the view is amazing.

That’s pretty much how I feel like every relationship of mine has been before Harry, the 80th floor.  They were great but I had no clue it could ever get better.  I thought what I had was the best. But with Harry, I got to the viewing deck up at the very top and it took my breath away.  I had no idea what I was missing.  NO IDEA.  In every single aspect of our relationship…it’s better.  BETTER.

Harry is one of the best conversationalist out there.  He can talk about anything and make it interesting.  I hang on his words.  I laugh.  I contribute.  It’s amazing.

I think for the first time in my life I love someone more than they love me.  He says that is not possible, but I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before and its sort of freaking me out.  He’s got MAD skills in the romance department.  He’s sentimental and kind.  He’s responsible but tons of fun.

I drove down to San Diego so we could have dinner together for my birthday.  I got to his hotel before he was off work and waited for him in the lobby.  As he walked in I saw that he had sunglasses on and a new shirt but man, as the doors opened I thought…wow, that is a really handsome guy.  And he’s mine.  MINE?!  I walked over to him and nestled my head in his neck and gave him a big hug and kiss.  His hugs rule.  His arms are so massively huge and he’s so broad verses me being so tiny that he just envelopes me.  It’s awesome.

He started kissing me and I stopped him to say, “It’s not that I forget how you kiss, it’s just that you start kissing me and I fall in love with it all over again every time.”  It’s not a kiss you get used to.  It’s an experience that is soft and passionate at the same time and sweet and tender but oh so sexy.  I just can’t get over it.  How did I get this lucky?   I really try to maintain my composure when I’m around him but it’s really hard cause he looks at me and I melt.  And his lips…don’t even get me started on those.

For some reason he makes me forget everything that came before him.  And it’s like everything is happening to me for the first time.  Maybe this is what true love is?  Maybe I never felt it before.   I didn’t know to the level of what I was missing.  But here we are at the top of the Empire State Building looking down at all the relationships I’ve had prior and they are SO far away from this that they look like ants on the sidewalk.

And with Harry it’s like nothing else matters either.  Where we eat, what we eat, what we do.  The entire world disappeared  last night at dinner.  We sat at a bar so we didn’t have to wait.  And we could have been in a private dining room with a beautiful set table and the best food and I would not have had a better time.  He asked me where I wanted to go and I said, McDonalds.  And I sort of meant it.  It really doesn’t matter.  As long as I am with him, for richer or for poorer, I’m good.

I’ve never felt so sure of anything and I’ve never been more completely thrilled in anticipation for a future I know is going to be rich and full.  43 is going to be a very good year.

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