The pastor this morning was talking about joy. We are called as Christians to be filled with joy. But it is truly only with a grateful heart can we fulfill this command. If we are grumbling about what we don’t have, it is impossible to be grateful and impossible to have joy.
It was written, “Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep and you weep alone.” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox in her poem Solitude. And maybe it was true in once sense, but it seems to be the opposite these days.
People seem to have an attitude of grumbling and the more misery they can surround themselves with and the worse the misery the better it makes them feel about their own lives.
Sometimes there are people around us who are happy and it causes us to be even more grumbly because we don’t want to be reminded that is how we should or wish to be but aren’t. In those circumstances we reckon that there is something wrong with THEM not US. They are TOO HAPPY! And we practically run away from them back into a very comfortable feeling of misery.
Misery does loves company! I’ve seen it play out on this blog. My numbers were through the roof when I was in a bad relationship with a man who lied to me. And when we broke up? Wow. But happiness is harder to write about because I start to feel guilty that I’m making less-happy people out there feel bad about their own lives.
It was said that Oprah was as popular as she was initially because the everyday woman saw themselves in her. She was not a model, she was over weight, she was casual. When she lost all that weight? She took a major hit. Misery loves company and people get jealous or feel somehow slighted when someone enjoys great fortune or success. It was said that she alienated her core audience. Sad.
Maybe it’s just human nature though. We should not flaunt our successes in people’s faces and I guess the same can be said about happiness. Don’t gloat.
But sometimes there is nothing else you can do. Because happiness just exudes from your pores and you aren’t trying to show up the world on the happiness scale. You just happen to be the happiest person in the room and there is a glow that emanates from you and it just shows.
It’s like trying to hide a glow of light in a dark room. It’s almost impossible.
Harry and I went to a comedy show last night with some friends with whom I work. It was his first glimpse into my world away from home other than attending church with me. It was casual and polite and nice. It was a very good night. I introduced him as my friend Harry who doesn’t get out enough and who really enjoys comedy. He was a hit. I think everyone thought he was a pleasant, intelligent person with a good laugh.
A few moments in the evening it was very natural for me to reach out to give him a hug and I pulled back. But there was one moment that I think he missed where a glimpse into our happiness was revealed. We were standing in a doorway of a kitchen where everyone was congregated around the guacamole bowl. Harry was on one side of the doorway and I was on the other and we both looked up at the same time and caught each other’s eye. It made us both smile and we were stuck in a stare, smiling. Like two lovesick people. Completely. No one else in the room full of chatter was standing around silent, smiling, staring into each other’s eyes. It was as obvious as a Saturday morning cartoon. And the host for the evening said, “Excuse me.” as he walked past us and I know he noticed cause he had a funny smile on his face too.
And that is us right now. We are lovesick. Whenever I catch his eye I can’t stop looking at him. I can’t stop smiling. Our faces hurt sometimes from smiling for so long. It’s disgusting to watch I’m sure! We are working on our 5th month as a couple. How long can this last? I hope forever.
Harry told me he was on cloud 9 this morning when I texted him our good morning hello. I like to see him happy. I like being happy. We are incredibly happy. In fact I can’t remember the last time I was this happy with everything in my life.
Do I want to move forward in our relationship and eventually get married? Absolutely. I can’t help but think along those lines when the man before me treats me exactly how I’ve always longed to be treated. I see a future with him. I don’t have to conjure it up. I don’t have to hope the planets align just right in order for it to happen. I know it will happen. It will be a natural progression of what already is. I have every confidence in it. And maybe that is why along with my happiness I am experiencing a great amount of something else. I’m doing the joy thing.
Happy is one thing. It’s just what I feel in the moment. But I’m so very grateful for everything I have. And instead of grumbling about what I don’t have I’m celebrating what I do. It is a conscious choice.
I don’t have a great big problem that needs to be surmounted. I don’t have to strive for anything in particular. I simply have a new best friend who I talk to each morning. Someone who wants to hear about my day and share his with me. Someone who makes time to see me and appreciates my sense of self in all ways because he respects me. Someone who makes me laugh, cry, and everything in between. Sometimes not so happy…but then again…those times don’t last very long.
We are dorks. As we were driving down to Oceanside last night we sang David Cassidy, “I Think I Love You” to each other. I swear. I can totally be myself around him. 100% dork.
I was super nervous on the drive down because he was meeting work people. He tried to distract me with stories but it didn’t work. He saw how nervous I was but it didn’t make HIM nervous. He just kind of laughed at me.
And when I’m super frustrated with someone or something I can talk to him about it and he lets me vent. He doesn’t think I’m mad at him. He knows I’m just needing to release some pressure. He is the only one who has ever understood that need that I have and doesn’t take it personally. And if a cuss word slips out in my rant he knows it was just a slip and not the end of the world.
I never ever embarrass him. Sometimes I’m goofy. I like to wiggle my hips and dance if I hear music. I sing. I am just plain silly sometimes. I like to talk to people, sometimes strangers. All these things really make my daughter, especially, feel uncomfortable. And I often hear. Mom…stop mom. But Harry just lets me be me. And he smiles. He lets me be me.
When we were walking through the casino to the theater last night he actually liked to see that other men look at me. HA! He is proud to be with me?! He knows he has 100% of my heart and for that matter I don’t even notice when men do that. I just am not looking most of the time. It has to be really obvious for me to notice. But he does and I think he gets a kick out of it cause he’s with me and they have zero chance in hell to get me.
There is no tension between us at all in our every day, daily existence.
Lots of times I do something and he says, “How did you know that is exactly what I’ve always wanted someone to do? And you just do it without me even having to ask!” He says this to me a lot. And my reply is, “I’m just being me.”
And that is the beauty of my relationship with my Harry. We are just being ourselves and we really quite like how easy our interactions are.
Could it be that I’m so stinking happy I can’t control how happy I am because for the first time in my life I have a relationship with someone who I accept and find completely captivating who does the same back to me? We actually like each other? Just the way we are? Is that possible? And could that be the key to true happiness as a couple?
Of course it is. Of course it is! And acknowledging that life is not meant to be perfect BUT that you are grateful for everything you have been given is the key to joy.
Put the two together and it is sickening really. I get it. But I can’t help it. Sorry. 🙂