Drain or Recharge?


My battery has been dead in my car since Saturday.  I used to be a fan of AAA but after a weekend without a working car and broken promises that is over.  Apparently my battery was dead enough to not start my car but not dead enough to be replaced.  Joy.  “Something might be draining your battery ma’am.”

Ever feel like someone you’re connected to is sucking the life out of you?  Draining your battery?  Sometimes its my kids.  It starts with the slam of a door, or tears, and I’m there 100% trying to help them see a better approach to their problem but by the end of the ordeal I’m left feeling utterly exhausted.

I guess kids are supposed to drain you, they are called dependents for a reason.  They need you.  But partners?  No.  They are supposed to help make you stronger not weaker.  Better not worse.  As long as they are not ill and then it’s understandable that they need you.  A partner should lift you up, encourage you, support you, and most important love you.  With that love comes tenderness, kindness, gentleness, understanding, compassion and thoughtfulness.

As a dating woman, why would I want to be with a man who sucks the life out of me?  Who makes me feel weary and tired, weak and afraid?  None of us should choose that simply because we feel we have no other options, or no other choice.  I have.  I did.  But I’m not anymore.

Every time I’m with Harry he recharges me.  I feel like I can do anything whether that be conquering my biggest problem, to handling loneliness, or even showing self-control with my children.  Something about my time with him fills me up so full that I have extra to spread around.

A hug and a kiss, a growl in my ear and his breath on my neck….charge.

A stimulating conversation about anything under the sun…charge.

A flirtatious comment, or a rambling conversation where he teases the heck out of me to get me to smile when I’ve had a bad day…charge.

A quiet lunch spent looking into each others eyes, holding hands and marveling at the connection of our souls…charge.

A text asking if he can call me…charge.

His smiling face when I open the door…charge.

I don’t want a drain on my emotional well-being, my pocketbook, my spiritual well-being, my self-esteem.  There is only so much energy I have in a day.  And I want to be balanced so I can give to all the people I love what is due them.

I don’t want someone who needs to be changed, a good project, like a fixer-upper.  I don’t want to be needed like that. I don’t want someone who is clingy or needy, or needs to be coddled in order for them to feel loved.

My man needs to be smart, capable, stable emotionally and financially and most of all his heart needs to be genuine.  And over and above all of these is whatever it is we have needs to be lasting.  The only way to make it lasting is if we are able to recharge each other and not be a drain.  Cause even the person with the best of intentions gets to a point where their battery is dead if there is a drain.

I’m hoping I’ve found the right guy.  But only time will tell.

I had an email interaction with Martin yesterday.  He asked me if I thought the opening ceremony was lame and asked if I was doing ok.  He apologized for how he handled himself the last time we had words.  I have mixed emotions about this.  I guess I’m glad he’s come around and is calmer and less mean.  But I also don’t want him sucking any bit of life out of me ever again.  Opening myself up to any form of communication has the potential of him doing just that.  I loved him so much but he did not recharge me.  He was not good for me.  And I need to be very careful I don’t allow him the opportunity to hurt me again.

We’ll see…

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