On this cool summer night, I sat on the living room couch with my daughter playing the card game Speed. Pandora played my favorite tunes and a breeze came in from the front window. We talked about my friend who was just diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and I asked her what she would do if she knew she was going to die. She said, “I’d go to Universal Studios.” My mouth dropped open and she started to laugh, like she had got me. Trying to lighten my mood no doubt. I said, “No really, what would you do?”
After a minute of thought she said, “I’d buy a wedding dress.” And I said, “Why?” And she said, “Well I’d want to at least know what it would have looked like.” And I said, “Forget about buying a wedding dress, I’d get married. At least I’d know it would be for the rest of my life!” And we chuckled and kept playing, and shuffling, and talking.
We talked about her dad, and about volunteering at a pediatric physical therapy clinic starting tomorrow. She grabbed my camera and started taking all these horribly ugly pictures of her mother with no makeup and hair that dried naturally after a shower. I promptly erased them all, saying how ugly I thought I was. Trying to make me feel better she said, “Well at least the color of your eyes are still pretty.” Haha.
Then I said in a very candid moment, “You know what I don’t get?” Thinking about my insecurities I wrote about yesterday. I said, “Everybody tells me how pretty I am, how I look younger than my age, and how blue my eyes are. And they say how I’ve got so much to offer with my talents and abilities and the fact that I have two great kids. But if I’m so great, how come I’m alone tonight and Daddy is with a women who is older, not attractive, shallow, and is whiney. And Martin is back with his wife who is not attractive and was described to me as cold-hearted and unsociable?”
It was an honest question and one I have wrestled with. But my daughter looked up from the cards and without missing a beat she said, “Mom, people want what’s easy. They settled for the rotten apples at the bottom but you are the good apple at the top of the tree. The one who gets you has to be willing to climb up to get you. It can be scary cause they might fall, but the one who reaches the top is worthy of you. Most people won’t be able to. You are special.”
And my eyes instantly filled with tears and I gave her the biggest hug and many kisses. Amazing. This is my wonderful daughter who gives me so much joy.
I said smiling through my tears, “Wow, you are very smart.”
And she said, “I’m not sure that is exactly smart.”
And I said, “Ok, then wise.”
She laughed as she sat crossed legged on the couch asking for one last game saying, “Well, that’s because I’m wearing my wise socks.” and gave me a goofy smile pointing to the socks she was wearing with owls all over them.
She is an apple at the top of the tree as well. One in a million. And whoever gets her better be willing to climb very high.