Don’t Hate Me Cause I’ve Got it All


Well it’s beginning!  Harry took the kids and I out to dinner…another first at our restaurant.  And we all did great, laughing and talking and being ourselves.  And it’s really blowing my mind at how adult, responsible, and smart we are being on one hand with our rather new relationship and on the other hand it is every bit as passionate and spontaneous as I could ever want or imagine.  It’s like I’m getting the best of both worlds and it’s awesome.  The best part is we are falling deeply in love but we are not losing our heads.  There is balance.

During the dinner while he the kids and I were talking about our schedules for the week I noticed Harry was rifling around his wallet.  And then he handed me his business card across the table.  It meant “I love you” for reasons I explained in a blog post called, “Forgetting to Remember”. He just wanted to say it but because the kids were right there he couldn’t.  My daughter knew the story of what I did with Martin’s business card and she saw him give me the card and knew exactly what he was saying.  She said later that she thought it was sweet and it really was.  It melted my heart.

Tonight after we got home my daughter and I laid on her bed for probably two hours having a chat. We talked about everything from her first kiss which happened to be on a stair case on the Queen Mary (how cool is that?) to issues that had her in tears about her dad.  But it was a special time.

I asked both kids how they liked Harry and they both are giving him the thumbs up.

Here is where the tricky part of integration is going to be.  My ex was a little jealous of how much the kids liked Martin but was never threatened by him.  I’m a little worried this time because …well…Harry is so great.  He’s got it all.  Great looks, a great job, and a strong character with a winning personality.

He’s got drive, a great work ethic, he cares about people, is generous, he is a very capable man who is smart and can fix anything, figure anything out, and when he falls, he bounces back stronger than ever.  It just all works for me.  All of it.  He has amazing blue eyes that look at me with such devotion and love I have no defense at all.  He just has so much…he brings so much to the table…that my ex knows he just doesn’t measure up.  And Harry is so much of what my ex isn’t.  And that will intimidate him.

Harry is strong in many ways.  Physically, mentally, emotionally.  Harry is a leader by nature.  My ex is not in any of these ways strong at all.  He will feel weak and small standing next to him literally and figuratively.

My son mentioned to my ex that Harry said he could help him bulk up his skinny -minny arms and chest.  And both kids said it was almost funny how their dad argued against the idea.  Talking about how lean is good and how he’ll bulk up on his own soon enough.  My son also mentioned to his dad how Harry slipped him a twenty when he was going out to rent a movie (it was supposed to be $2 not $20).  The fact that he has $20 to give automatically puts my ex on defense.

It’s nothing Harry has done,  but it will probably be something we’ll have to be very sensitive to because of the kids.  And what is so awesome about Harry…is I know he will be sensitive to it.  We’ve already had great discussions about his role with the kids and I am not worried at all about how it will all play out.

But unfortunately because I have children my ex will be part of that integration taking place.  It’s best if he like Harry.  I hope he does.  I know Harry will do everything possible but it will be a tricky one I think this time.  Because Harry is to a guy like a supermodel girlfriend is to an ex-wife.  Hated because he has it all.

I hope I’m wrong.

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