Tonight was emotional. It was probably inappropriate but I said, “Eighteen years ago you were sucking on my breast…I kept you alive and I did that for a year. And I know it’s been eighteen years but I’ve invested my life. I’ve sacrificed jobs and countless other things willingly to be and do what you and your sister needed. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. But that investment leaves me wanting so much for you and it’s hard for me sometimes to watch you forget things and make mistakes and not be emotional.”
So I kept staring at Harry today, listening to him talk and every now and then kissing him or letting him kiss me. When I’m with him I feel like time stops. It’s the best feeling in the world. When I study his face I know deep down that he’s in my life now forever come what may. He’s part of my heart. I love him. I know me. I know what that means. I’m not sure I know what it means for him. I’ve made the mistake before of transferring my value system onto the expectations of someone else and it kept me from being able to even conceive of the lies that I had to deal with. I would never lie like that therefore he would never lie either. I was wrong. Dead wrong. And I don’t want to be wrong again.
But this man named Harry is not that kind of guy. He sees things through. He cherishes memories, and history, and understands that something worth anything is worth working for. And he works hard.