Anyone who has ever loved sports has experienced a game when all hope was lost. The hope of a win is so far out of reach that people start packing up and going home. And then all of a sudden someone breaks away and starts running down field and people who were barely paying attention before are up on their feet cheering their team unbelievably to victory. OH MY GOSH…that is my life today.
I have been talking to Martin lately. And before you fold your arms at your chest and start tapping your foot…keep reading cause it’s not what you think.
Admittedly I should have kept better distance, but I really did love that man. With all my heart. Letting go has never been a strong suit of mine. I’m the one that holds out the hope for the happy ending. Only with Martin I kept getting the same thing. I’d open the door and he’d come in with a plan that he wanted me to agree to, even before his divorce is final (and no it still isn’t). And he would put pressure on me to make a choice and when I couldn’t he’d get testy. There are times when I’ve been very weak with him. It’s too easy to remember how much love I had for him. But that is all it was. Moments of weakness. Because in my right mind, I knew he was not good for me. And today I told him so once and for all. After today…I’m serious, everything has changed.
It’s been 6 months since I’ve felt like my life was headed in a direction toward anything resembling what I’ve always dreamed. A loving, monogamous relationship that would last my lifetime. I’ve been picking up the pieces of what got bombed to smithereens in my last relationship but I’ve exhausted the patience of most of my friends and probably all of you too. Today was the first time I believed my life had hope. Not that I wasn’t content being single and alone cause I actually kind of got there. It wasn’t so bad…but nobody WANTS to be alone.
No – it is Harry. He and I kissed. And then today we had the most perfect day I could ever imagine. Full of respect and passion at the same time. He knows my faith and how strongly I believe what I believe and he has been the only man who has cared enough to honor it. And for that I’m dumbfounded. His game changer was my kiss. Mine was his restraint.
All of a sudden I’m seeing potential…for my life with this man. And that hope alone as he breaks away with the ball and starts running for the end zone is enough to get me on my feet and take notice.
He is the smartest man I’ve ever known. And the sweetest. And the most manly. And all I know is I could spend every moment of my life with him and not get tired of it.
We wanted to see each other today…we’ve been talking since January and have had 3 semi-dates. More like lunches where we talked a lot (this is after months of talking online.) Yesterday when he kissed me all that changed. Literally the heavens opened up and there was thunder that shook the house (freak April rainstorm…great timing 😉 ) But it was memorable. So today I just wanted to see him again. He had to work as he always does. And so I asked if I could come to his office where he was working alone and work too.
I sat on his couch, he sat at his desk. We listened to country music. We worked. Every now and then I’d get a smile or we’d say something. But it just feels so natural with this guy. So natural. And then I walked over and gave him a kiss as he worked and before we knew it, we were dancing and kissing and talking and enthralled in each other’s presence for over an hour. It felt so right even the words to the songs fit. It was as perfect as you could get. I can’t explain how comfortable I felt.
We had originally planned on shooting some pool in the afternoon. I didn’t want to leave but he said…I want to experience everything with you…so we went. And of course I beat him three out of four games and lost the last game cause I scratched on the eight ball…hehe. But the sexual tension was so intense at one point we just let the pool sticks fall and he lifted me up and took me around the corner where no one could see us.
After kissing passionately for a minute or two he stopped and took my head in his hands and told me that I was worth the wait.
I’ve never had anyone say that to me before. Not and mean it. It’s always been me trying to make things stay slow. But today it was him and he meant it…the tears in his eyes told me so.
It was a great day. A game changer of a day. IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. I’m so happy I can’t tell you. It’s the most content I’ve felt since before I found out Martin lied for the first time. I know there will be struggles with Harry. I know there will. But we have a really powerful start and we are both wanting to work to build a very strong foundation so when those times come when we have to switch the ball and fake out the other team…we will be in sync. We’ve talked enough that I’m sure that we at least both want …forever. If it happens, we’ll have the play book down by then and just maybe we will be the winning team.