Fools Rush In

This human emotion thing sucks. Someone told me I needed to get out of the house and hang with someone other than my kids and close friends. This someone was cute, strong and sexy. And so I said ok. And I got more than I bargained for. I spent the evening arguing with Mercenary Guy why we are not a good pair. God bless him he really is a good guy. And he probably would never have lied to me and would never have left me. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do what? Any of it. I couldn’t trust that it would be okay, I couldn’t risk my heart. I just couldn’t.

Maybe there were things I knew would go wrong like I wrote about. Or maybe I was just a coward like he said. But he didn’t know how to do anything but push. He wasn’t patient. And apparently my pace was too slow for him. What do they say, fools rush in? He was definitely a dive in head first kind of guy. He fell hard with complete abandon. I watched it and didn’t believe it. He said that my low self-esteem wouldn’t deter him. He said he was up for the fight and would stick it out. My kids liked him. But I couldn’t do it. He called me a coward? So be it. I guess I am.

I remember standing in this room I’m in now, begging my husband to not make a fool of me for standing by him. Listening to him tell me he would never lie to me. I remember the same with Martin just about. I gave those two men all of me. I was a fool. I judged so badly. I was naïve as one of my friends puts it. Naive and I also act as if everyone has the same maturity level and value system as me. I can’t fathom anything else.

But now I’m gun-shy in the realist truest way possible or maybe I’m just smarter? Either way I am breaking someone’s heart and I’m sorry for that. Tonight was a sucky night. I don’t want to be a fool anymore. What if the waiting and being friends first thing DOES work. I just have to see.

3 responses to “Fools Rush In

  1. I think you hit the nail on the head. In my experience, when you first meet somebody & have that initial attraction it completely takes over. I have been one of those people who threw caution to the wind & dove in head first because of that initial attraction. Those relationships were short lived because as soon as the newness of the relationship wore off we both realized that we were not compatible. Sometimes that newness wore off for one person quicker than the other & the other person felt heartbroken because they were still thriving off of the initial rush. I have met a couple of people that I have felt an attraction to but since I am not legally divorced yet I have not in any way let them know that. I put myself in the friend only zone very quickly & very firmly. Ten years of marriage with a person I wasn’t at all compatible with has made it essential for me to do that. There is one man in particular that I was swooning over a lot. He’s handsome, appeared to have a very upbeat attitude, was a loving father to his child, etc. but know knowing him for quite awhile now he can really grate my nerves. He doesn’t seem as handsome to me, he whines a lot, & can be quite selfish. He’s a wonderful friend but would have made a horrible mate for me. I think that waiting & being friends does work & you are making the right decision. You make an informed decision on what car you will buy & will drive around for the next 10+ years. You don’t just jump in the first one that looks pretty & has a smooth ride only to find out that it’s riddled with problems & is a gas guzzler. Doesn’t it make more sense to also make an informed decision about somebody you may spend the rest of your life with? That’s my two cents anyways =)

  2. Pingback: You can educate a fool, but you can’t make him think | Roots to Blossom·

  3. Pingback: Where the Ripples End | Improvised Life·

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