I’ve experienced some regression in the past couple of days. I really don’t want to lay it all out there but it has to do with rationalizing and remembering and feelings and a couple of emails.
Emotionally right now I’m totally okay but the resolve has weakened a bit and I’m kicking myself. Here I am sleeping in the middle of my bed with my shaped up body, hair that got a little too blonde on this last visit to the hairdressers, and all these possibilities. So many possibilities. And I went backwards instead of forwards.
I’m mad at me.
My kids leave this morning to go with their dad. They should have gone last night but he had a party he apparently couldn’t miss. I have work I need to do. I have an ultrasound on Monday for that mammogram that wasn’t so good. I need to get out of the house.
The thing is…oh forget it. It’s stuff I think about though and its hard not to.
Maybe it’s three steps back even. I was doing so good.