Good friends will get as close as you let them. I appreciate the people who have showed up in my hour of need ready to give me a hug, hang out, or tell me I’m not stupid. Because that is my prevailing thought.
I know that depression sets in when you wallow and stew and I’m determined not to do that. But because I work alone at home and my kids are rarely home and I got really sad last night, today was a very rough day.
Sometimes the people who reach out to help you are surprising. People I’ve only met once or twice. People I haven’t seen in person in 25 years. People I couldn’t even recognize on the street because all I know is their avatar on their blog. All coming out of the woodwork with real and virtual hugs. Then there are my tried and true. The ones who will always and have always been there.
I know that if I needed a life line for real I could find somebody. I know I can find someone to tell me the truth when I need to hear it. Probably 20 different people. And how blessed is that?
I retreated from my life and into a world that Martin and I created for ourselves. I did my job, I took care of my kids and I made myself available to him. And that was a huge chunk of time.
I’m terrified and excited at the prospect of filling that time with something else now. But what? LORD PLEASE – not another man.
Yes I will have that missionary work I spoke of. I know something will come of that, but I also know it won’t be enough.
The thing I don’t want to do is have mindless and spiritless interaction with surface acquaintances where there is completely no investment. That is not me. I also don’t want to do anything that seems cougarish or on the prowlish. No bars or discos, nothing like that.
So here are some ideas…please give me suggestions if you think of something I didn’t:
- Join a dance class (always wanted to do that why not now?)
- Join an exercise class (pay for something so I will feel obligated to go)
- Join a running club (most run in the mornings…I did that today by myself and went really slow and hated it…I’m an afternoon runner)
- Learn how to paint? (don’t know where – I do have one piece that gets high praise so there may be some raw talent)
- Go back to college to get my masters (with what money? maybe not…)
- Have rotating dinners with friends where we cook new things ( this would have to be a bunch of single women cause couples would just be depressing)
- Increase my photography teaching (I already teach a class once a month for free for a group of ladies that meet at my house)
- Go back to working my photography business (right now I think that might be too stressful for me)
- Volunteer for my daughters band booster stuff (I would absolutely love this, except all the parents are jerks that make newcomers feel lame)
- Get a second job (doing what? Starbucks?)
Ok your turn.
What should I do with this vast amount of time to fill. Evenings and weekends mostly. I do have a full-time job. And yes I’ve thought about working from Panera or Starbucks or something just for some interaction but the last time I did that this guy kept talking to me who was creepy weird and kept asking a bunch of personal questions.
Thank you all for your encouragement and support. It means the world to me. I mean it.
I had a hard day but after talking to some of you am feeling stronger. THANK YOU.