He is Not

He is not a controlling, horrible man.  I just have to say that.  He was defensive and mad and probably scared.  But he is a good man who I love.  He gave me what others weren’t willing and couldn’t do.  Time…thousands of hours of conversation.  Waking at 6 every morning and staying up late.  He is so good in so many ways.  He just couldn’t be everything I wanted him to be and he knee jerk reacts and lies.  He’s not manipulative because I know he can’t plan ahead that far.

A man that cunning would not ask me to rid his email of spam, knowing I have the password.

And I miss him.  And I’m sad.  Horribly sad.  And I tried and he tried…and this is just sad.  That is all.  And nights really really suck.

This just feels like the worst nightmare ever.

3 responses to “He is Not

  1. I’m so sorry. I am sure it does feel that way, like a nightmare. And I don’t think he’s a bad man at all. He has some issues to work through and some may not be fixable. You figured that out at the right time. Unfortunately, it means heartache, but each day, I hope, gets better. Sending you prayers and hugs.

  2. It is so hard, Livvy. And it sucks and it will suck until one morning you will wake up and it doesn’t matter anymore. It is so fresh right now, I know that is hard to believe, but you will feel better. And, for the record re: previous post, you cannot “make” another person lie. Just sayin” x iz

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