I have come the conclusion that I need a life. I have too much time on my hands. Life is too simple and quiet. I need to be busy to get through the mourning period. I certainly know what I don’t need.
I don’t need alcohol. I don’t need the arms of another man. I don’t need food. I don’t need the sleeping pills for now I am relying on.
I NEED to be okay. Okay with just being me.
I honestly used to think single people were pathetic losers. For the first time in my life I’m excited to be one. I want to be completely fulfilled with myself and my life before I let someone else in.
Like a gift dropped into my lap an idea came to me. It partly came from a conversation I had with my massage therapist who was pushing a doctor friend who is 42 and single into my preview. I politely declined her invitation to mention my name. I’m not ready for that. But she told me how he had spent his early career on the mission field and now realized he was lonely and wanted a family. I emphasized to her that I was definitely not her gal then. Been there done that.
But the conversation did get me thinking about what I always wanted to do. Since I was 20 I’ve wanted to do missionary work. First it was Africa but I got married. Then it was an idea my best friend and I had to do promotion and fundraising for medical missionaries through an organization we would create but then we both got divorced and had little extra money to do anything but survive. Then it was talking to Martin about what we would do as a couple, how we would make the world a better place.
It got me thinking – why wait?
So I put in a call to the man at my church that heads up Mexico missions and said that I didn’t know how but I wanted to get involved somehow with missionary work again (I’ve been on several long and short trips to Mexico and New Orleans after Katrina) and medical missions in particular has always been an interest of mine even though I’m not in the medical field. I left a message.
To my surprise he called me back the next day and said he discussed my idea with the pastor over missions at our very large church. He told me there was a new doctor interested in starting medical missions in earnest who leaving for Haiti that very day and that he had some nurses interested too. He said that both of them are two busy to promote and administer such a project but with my background and experience they wanted to discuss the endeavor with me. They also wanted me to promote regular Mexico missions with social media, the church website and anything else I would have time for and wanted to know when I was free to discuss the idea over lunch.
Really? Just like that they wanted someone with my ability and skills to do what I do best to help them? Huh. There is a God. I swear there is a God.
So next week I’m going to meet with both of these men to see what we can do to get the ball rolling. An opportunity. Exciting.
Since my divorce I pulled back from serving at church completely. I used to practically live there. This is a good way to get my foot back in the door and out of the house.
Every single day is a brand new day. One day can be horrible and rotten and the next full of hope and promise.
I know I’ll find my new life. I know each day will have it’s ups and downs.
I know I’ll be okay. There are a ton of people out there in this world with more problems than me. Less people to love them.
Now I’m gonna go curl my hair and put on some make up and set out to have some laughs on a Saturday night with my friends and my family.