Today the Gallup Organization called me and asked if I would participate in a survey. I’m a sucker for surveys so I said, “Why the heck not?” They asked me things like was a satisfied in my job and did I feel my boss created an environment of trust. If I was satisfied with my health and where I lived, and how easy or not it was to get services, food, medicine. When she asked if I was generally satisfied with my life and asked how much I smiled or laughed in the last two days something started to dawn on me. With each and every question I answered I realized something. Something wonderful.
I AM HAPPY. I am a happy person! I am content with my life just as it is. SATISFIED. I feel secure, healthy, fulfilled, and safe. Wow. Wow. Wow.
I knew I was excited and happy about Martin in my life. It has been the greatest gift to me I have ever received. A man plucked out of obscurity to become my hero. My best friend and my love. I knew that was big. But what I didn’t realize or maybe haven’t been focused on are all the other aspects of my life that have improved. SO MUCH is better than it was 4 years ago. I go back 4 years because that is BEFORE all the hell started. It’s before the angry phone call, before I knew about the betrayal. It was when my life was on track. And all this time I’ve been describing the “before” part of my life as generally happy. But now that I have some distance I really don’t think I was happy at all. And that surprises me.
It’s hard to argue with stats though. Here are the facts of my old self vs. my new self.
2007 – weight 135, ate two large meals per day with snacks in between. Lots of pop (at least 3 cans per day). Lots of fatty, fried, and fast food. Completely sedentary.
2011 – weight 112, eat waaay lighter, only when I’m hungry. Drink mostly cranberry juice with Pelligrino. Lots of fiber, fruit, and fresh take out. Regularly exercise.
2007 – watched lots of TV, window shopped, watched lots of movies, took pics
2011 – watch only shows I record, only go shopping when I need to buy something, still watch lots of movies, read more, take less pics, go on hikes or runs. Oh and talk to Martin. Oh and blogging. (I have a lot more free time nowadays).
2007 – strained dates with husband, family gatherings, going to the movies.
2011 – dancing, karaoke, world travel, playing pool, going out with friends, doing anything with Martin.
2007 – juggled a fast-paced high-stress management position, worked long hours, was away three nights per week, was on-call the rest of the time. Did not feel appreciated.
2011 – work from home in a low stress job making the same money, home every day and every night. Able to take off work when my kids need me. Feel completely appreciated.
2007 – Had out of control Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and the symptoms that went with it, high cholesterol, depression, insomnia that I tried to control with over the counter meds.
2011 – Thyroid is normal, depression is gone, I am now going to sleep every night without a pill. I think I still have the high cholesterol though but who knows? Maybe that’s gone too?
2007 – Knew my husband was pulling away didn’t know why, seldom did anything with friends or family, was generally lonely.
2011 – Have a man who loves me for me, friend pool is growing, generally satisfied even though my guy lives 6000 miles away.
2007 – Scared, worried, fearful, lonely, but hopeful
2011 – Brave, trusting, loved, hopeful, but still a little fearful that my new found happiness will disappear.
Outlook for Future
2007 – Feared my husband was having an affair, was planning a cruise to reconnect.
2011 – Planning on marrying the sweetest, closest friend I’ve ever had. Honeymoon in Paris. Then lots and lots of normal days.
WOW. That is all I can say. WOW. WOW. WOW.