Little Did I Know


I’m heading for England in 10 days.  I can’t wait.  Just booked the flights.   I’m so excited.  And nervous.  I will be meeting his daughters and his sister and other members of the family I’ve yet to meet.  Yikes.  Scratch excited.  I’m petrified.  My boss okayed 5 days of vacation for me and I’m going to work 2 while I’m there so I’ll be gone 10 days.

This year has really changed my life.  I am not a global jet setter.  This is a big deal for me but then again because I’m going to see Martin it feels like I’m just going home.  Now I know what he means by saying it’s only 11 hours.

We will do the rounds staying with his family.  Oh boy.

I watched 49 Up last night which is documentary about 7 or so English kids who grew up and the documentarian followed them every 7 years until the age of 49 to see where they ended up and how they turned out.  It was very interesting.  I learned a lot about English current culture.  And noticed a lot of people in England have Koi ponds..haha.

I just sat there watching it though and thought….here are these kids talking about their hopes and dreams.  Some of them married young and it worked, many got divorced some more than once.  Some did well financially others didn’t.  But all of them seemed pretty content with how their life turned out.  We just never know.  And sometimes what we think we want either doesn’t work out or doesn’t happen for whatever reason and you get something quite unexpected instead.  If you would have asked me as a little girl or even 14, or 21 if I thought I’d meet a man on vacation and end up planning to marry him I would have bet against it.  But throw in the part about him living in England and I would say…not on your life, it will never happen.  For one thing…I never wanted to go to England!

When I was little my grandparents took a trip of a lifetime to England and they brought me back a little English guard with the big black hat.  I had it on shelves in my room for my entire life.  I was a history major in college and learned all about England and consciously thought – there’s nothing romantic about England…if I had my choice I wouldn’t want to go there…give me Paris or Tuscany.  Isn’t that crazy?  England to me was just filled with pent-up, stuffy people I’d seen in movies like “Room with a View”.  Ones that didn’t know how to communicate honestly or openly.

Little did I know.

And little do we all know.

If life deals you a hand that is unexpected and devastating – good can come of it in the end.  There is one crucial step I made in all of this.  One thing that was my responsibility.  If you read my blog you know that I give all the credit to the Lord for us meeting and for this to be as fitting as it is for both of us and for my kids.  But my part was taking the steps toward it and not running.  I could have.  I could have been too afraid.  Even with no red flags (and believe if there had been a red flag I would NOT have been the one to rationalize why it was worth waiting out, I would have been outta there quicker than you could say go.)  But with no red flags I could have talked myself out of it from fear.

But I kept seeing God’s hand in it and I kept inching along forward.  Trusting even though I was afraid.  And it’s amazing where you end up when you let the Lord lead.

I hope it gives some people out there encouragement to trust God with what’s happening in your life.  And not hit the abort button too soon.

I will no doubt read these words I’ve typed a year or two from now and think…”you didn’t even know THEN!”  but that is life isn’t it.  Thankfully it’s a script that is kept confidential allowing us to simply take our steps and experience the ups and downs along the way.

And this is a crucial step for me, meeting the rest of his family.  It’s a big, big deal.  I want them to like me.  He said, all I have to do is be myself.  He’s  built me up in their eyes though to be this gorgeous, California girl.  I’m sure they will see me and think I look much older and shorter in real life.  I KNOW this because that is human nature isn’t it?  That’s okay.  Knowing it going in helps maybe.  Oh boy.  Oh boy.  Oh boy.

7 responses to “Little Did I Know

  1. Oh my word, this is very exciting! How excellent. What part of England will you be visiting?

    I can completely identify with the nerves. It’s such a big deal to meet family members like this, and it feels so important to get it right and make a good impression. But they’re his family and they’ll love you.

    • Heading to the southwest – Devon. I am not looking forward to the plane ride but am grateful for this opportunity. It’s another one of those scary moments that I have to be brave enough to get through.

      • Devon’s lovely. If you haven’t been before, you’ll definitely be impressed. Not looking forward to the plane ride as in it’s a tedious nuisance or as in you’re really frightened?

        • more tedious…my legs just start aching and I’m in the back of the plane and in the middle seats. 😛 I will be flying on Sept 11 as well but not so much that as the other.

  2. Thanks Livvy. I’m going full speed ahead praise God. He’s got me on some course that only He knows where I am going to end up. I just need to keep trusting that because already the urge to sin has arisen, as have the vultures come out now that they know I’m single, but nah, I’m gonna press on and fight the good fight.

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