A Holding Pattern


When you hear the “fasten your seat belt” bing and the captain says, “Ladies and gentlemen we are beginning our decent, please stow anything removed from your carry on luggage and put your tray tables in their locked position.”  You are mentally ready to land.  15 minutes tops.  When 15 minutes turns into 45 minutes and you hear, “Ladies and gentleman….” AGAIN….you know something’s up.  You are in a holding pattern.  It could go on for ages, or a few minutes.  You never know.  You are ready to get off the plane but you have to wait.  No other choice.  It’s maddening.

Martin is at Heathrow airport ready to board his Virgin Atlantic flight to O’Hare any minute now.  His meeting is Friday.  We are simply hoping for the best.  Praying he will not only get the job but they will want him out here sooner rather than later.  Because we’ve been in a terrible holding pattern ever since the first job was eliminated.  We were so ready to be eating dinner every night together, running together, seeing each other every day.  And this last month has been a true test of our patience and trust in the Lord.

We know there are reasons he is still there and not here.  He got to take his daughter to church with him for the first time this past Sunday.  He has had two great meetings with the pastor where they have talked, shared, prayed and became better friends.  He has stayed at his sister’s house who is caring for her daughter who was on the brink of death about two months ago.  He hadn’t seen much of her up until this time .  He’s had extra time to spend with both daughters before they go back to university.

It’s just that …well you know.  We miss each other.  And we were all prepared for the waiting to be over but now it’s gotten longer with no concrete end in sight.  This weekend could give us the green light he needs.  Or he could go home wondering and having to wait another month before he learns his fate.  We have no idea how it will go.  Holding pattern.

I just got back home from a night of scanning photos for a video montage for the memorial service on Friday.  My ex spent the evening with my kids at the house.  And I came home to a silverware drawer that was fixed and ice cream in the freezer.   He’s being nice again.  Now it’s midnight and I’m trying to unwind before heading off to bed.

Praying for a safe flight for Martin.  Praying for him to be in good spirits.  Praying that I get to see him very soon.

We had a great and very long conversation today.  He ate his dinner while I worked.  We got to hang out.  We both remarked how we feel like we’ve met our match.  Like we were holding pieces from a puzzle and our two pieces snapped together perfectly.  We both got a little emotional talking about how lonely we were before we met.  Not just because of our divorces but lonely our whole lives for someone like “us”.  He’s the most like me of anyone I have ever met…ever.  Being apart hurts.

But what an amazing, and wonderful kind of hurt it is to know you have someone who loves you that much.  I’m still in awe of it.  All of it.  And I can wait.  Cause when he finally does land in California to start his new life with me, it will be the beginning of the best years of my life.  No matter what happens –  just because we will be together.

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