I don’t do this often but I’m going to complain today. I hate having a long distance relationship. I would never have chosen it, it chose me. I even fought against it. But I knew he was worth it. And he is. It’s more than just the distance I don’t like though, it’s the living in two different time zones. When I wake up its around 4 PM his time and he is still in the throes of his day. It’s 11 AM now and I still haven’t been able to say good morning to him. Apparently he’s going to dinner with a client. I just didn’t know about it. I’m leaving at noon to pick up my car so we will miss each other today. I hate it. It’s 24 days and counting since I’ve seen him last and I hate that too. I thought I’d get to see him this weekend. I thought he’d already be here.
Plans change and I’m glad he has another job prospect. Perspective…I know. Read prior blog Livvy. I know. God’s timing is the best timing.
I put it out there to him that I wanted to come to England for a visit before he moved out. Him coming to me is cheaper but I thought it would be a good chance for me to meet his daughters and his sister who I have yet to even meet. For some reason he’s not biting. The only time I can come is Labor Day weekend and all the tickets are being snatched up at decent prices. Even if he does decide that’s a good idea today or tomorrow the prices could get ridiculous. So I don’t think that is going to happen anymore.
I only want to be a part of his life. I feel so far from it. I visited the once and met his brother and his best friend. Other people have only heard about me. I have this deep, really deep need to know more about him in the context of “his life”. I miss him.
Part of the problem is I’m sitting here alone in my house again. Since the kids have started school, I never see them. My daughter got home at 6pm last night ,I got them dinner, and we talked around the table, but she was stuck doing homework the rest of the time. When she kissed me goodnight she said, “Well mom, I’ll see you tomorrow night at 9.” Ugh. I’ll be alone the entire day today. I hate being alone. I know I’m not alone in a sense that I have the Lord. But the house is very quiet. I wish the Lord would make some noise sometimes.
He’s going to Chicago on Thursday this week and will be out talking about the new job until Sunday. No room for me. I know it’s progress. It’s good. But. It’s been 24 days.
I’m not complaining about him. I know he’s doing all he can. It’s just this terrible truth that I live here and he lives there. I remember sitting on my couch when I got home from Ireland thinking, “What in the world are you doing getting involved with a man who lives 6,000 away. You keep him at a distance Livvy. Don’t let him close. Cause it will be painful.” I never imagined that he would be able to move here or even want to.
I know I’m blessed. But 6,000 miles does seem like a world away sometimes. It might as well be the moon.
I want to fly to the moon today. I’d rather be there than here.