There are 4-5 days each month when it is particularly dangerous to be an ex-husband around my house. My insides feel twisted up like a rubber band, I’m bloated, irritable, and as much as I know it happens in varying degrees every single month, it usually catches me off guard.
My daughter came home with my son from a weekend with their father holding a target bag stuffed with hand-me-downs from the daughter of this woman he’s been seeing since – God only knows how long – because he’s been lying about her from day one. My instant reaction was to tell my daughter I did not want anything related to that woman in my house. Of course this was after me telling her that I was glad she had a good time and that it’s okay to be happy and have a good time and like who Daddy is with. Talk about sending mixed messages.
Then I called him and told him the same thing. I meant it. I still do. On the surface they are just clothes but for some reason they mean more to me than that.
<enter> ANGER – your alter ego who harbors ill will and wants revenge. Will lash out like a fire-breathing dragon at a moments notice. Looks like the normal you but isn’t.
I did clarify with my daughter later so she fully understood she did nothing wrong by bringing the clothes home but I just didn’t want them in my home.
Of course this gives my ex the opportunity to remind himself and me of why he left in the first place. And gives him opportunity to assume the high road position of, “You should keep this between us and not involve the kids because when I talked to her on the phone she was crying and upset and that was wrong of you.”
My comeback was, “Yeah she is upset everyday because of what you did and I have been the one encouraging her to have a relationship with you in the first place so just because I lose it one day does not make me worse than what you did which was leave her everyday.”
Playing foozball in the backyard seems like a distant memory. I snarled. He snarled back. Divorce is messy. I hate it.
My son was amazing last night though. He said, “Mom – don’t miss what was lost, cherish what was gained. You have found the perfect guy for you. Don’t look back because it’s done and let go of the anger. You should be celebrating what you have because its better than what you had.”
He really said that.
Ugh. He put his arm around me and said, “Now…do you feel better?” And I said, “Yeah thanks sweety.”