Recipe for Love

I am not a baker.  I just attempted to bake a cake for my son’s birthday party tomorrow.  I decided it would be two flat cakes stacked with a cream cheese Oreo cookie center.  It was a great plan.  But there HAS to be a plan with baking.  There is a very specific end result and to achieve that result you must follow directions and procedures to a tee!  If you don’t you will end up with a cake like I made.  It is bumpy and lumpy with frosting filled cracks.  It’s a little dry and crumbly and it looks like a mess.  The kids were very nice to me and said it looked awesome but I know the truth.

Cooking is so much different!  You can have an idea where you are going but you get to add a little bit here and there to make it your own.  With cooking you have ingredients that are good and you put them together because you know they are a good combination!  You mix and match and enjoy the experience of throwing stuff in a pan.  A little of this and a little of that and before you know it there are amazing smells and colors and the experience of eating is kind of an adventure!

Life just doesn’t ever want to fit into the mold.  Life by it’s very definition is not a predictable formula.

But that is what I tried to do in my early days.   I have this journal I recently found.  It begins Christmas 1989.  And there are several entries where I am almost fixated on getting married.  My boyfriend had broken up with me because he said we were too different and I was too dramatic and he didn’t think he could handle my mood swings (where have I heard that before?).  But after two months we got back together and we determined (I say we but it was mostly me) that if we got back together we would get married.  I really put the pressure on him to marry me.  It was just something I wanted.  All my friends were doing it and I had been with my boyfriend the longest and wondered what was taking him so long.   I thought I was in love and I wanted to start my life already and getting married was part of it.  That is not how I remembered it.  I remembered romance and how much my husband loved me.  But to read my journal it was just another goal.  Something I was anticipating for my life.

Looking back I don’t think I cared much at all what God wanted for me.  I just wanted what I wanted.  And I was afraid that if I didn’t marry him I would be alone for years and I might find someone who I didn’t know.  I was afraid of that because I figured growing up together gave us a perspective that I could trust because I was there.  I didn’t just know him because that’s what he told me.  I really KNEW HIM.

Hysterical really because I found out after he moved out from a neighbor that my husband had smoked for years without me knowing.  Now living on his own he rarely if ever goes to church.  He is the kind of person who can walk away from two young teens and see his kids for an hour at a time each week and on weekends only twice a month.  He is not the person I thought he was.  I didn’t know him at all.

I tried to fit my life into this recipe to achieve this end result instead of just letting my life play out and being happy with what I got!

This time around I want God to be the director.  And so far I am AMAZED at the difference.  From the moment Martin entered my life I have been checking and double checking with God as to what I should do.  I have not grabbed on with both hands and said…this is it and I must have it and then turned a blind eye to issues and problems that will creep up later in life. Instead I’ve only taken steps forward when and if there were no reason to step back.  And that is a completely different approach than when I was 20.  And it’s SO much better.

There are smells and colors this time around that I didn’t even know existed.  Instead of a grueling experience trying to make everything work out and fit together I am just enjoying the ride.  I am in awe of how good it is.  I’m literally watching it unfold instead of making it happen.  Singing, music, laughing, sharing, helping, supporting.  A meeting of the minds and of the heart.  A true partner who wants the same things in life.  An amazing journey that is still unfolding.

Martin got a ride to the airport early this morning and is on a plane and will arrive about 4PM today.  We will probably hug longer when we see each other this time than anything else.  He told me he doesn’t want to leave this time.  He will probably have to.  But he said,  “There will be a time that I don’t and it’s closer now than ever.”

Can’t wait to see him.  I can’t wait to see what is in store for us this time.  It keeps getting better and better each time we meet.

Recipe for Love
written by Harry Connick Jr.

A little bit of me and a whole lot of you
Add a dash of starlight and a dozen roses, too
Then let it rise for a hundred years or two
And that’s the recipe for making love

It doesn’t need sugar ’cause it’s already sweet
It doesn’t need an oven ’cause it’s got a lot of heat
Just add a dash of kisses to make it all complete
And that’s the recipe for making love

And if you’ve made it right you’ll know it
It’s not like anything you’ve made before
And if you’ve made it wrong you’ll know it
’cause it won’t keep you coming back for more

I didn’t get it from my grandma’s book upon the shelf
I didn’t get it from a magical and culinary elf
No, a little birdie told me you can’t make it by yourself
And that’s the recipe for making love

2 responses to “Recipe for Love

  1. My gosh, my heart is so touched by what God is doing in your life and by what I see he will do in mine in my time as well. Praise God my sister. I am so very happy for you. Can’t wait til you get to say these same exact words to me. That day is coming. 🙂

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