Today was a crazy day. It was 5:15 when I realized I forgot my son’s orthodontist appointment for the second time in a row. I also forgot to eat. I was busy juggling deadlines at work, two teenagers home from school with projects to complete and a PC upstairs that decided to die on me. Throughout the day I was running through the list in my head of things I wanted to do before it was too late. It included phone calls, laundry, filling my Ambien prescription and calling my mom. I should just write this stuff down but even when I do that, I forget to look at my list! Sometimes life seems so big with so much to manage. I miss my helpmate. It’s all me now. But I’m finding out I can do it, its just harder.
I know it’s kind of a cheesy song but whenever I hear the Miley Cyrus’ song, “The Climb” I kind of tear up. I think anyone would who has gone through the kind of trials I have the past couple of years. I’m sorry to all the cool people out there…but when I hear,
“Theres always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Aint about how fast I get there,
Aint about what’s waiting on the other side
Its the climb…”
It gets to me. And I get inspired. I remember that I AM ABLE, and even when it feels tough, I am doing it. And I’ve been doing it for 11 months now.
Tomorrow I’m going to the Clerk office for my county and I’m filing the petition for divorce. I know it will be a hard day. Even though I want to do it, and I know it’s time. It will be tough. It will be a milestone. One I never ever wanted for my life or for my children, or for him. But it is a necessary step that I need to take in order to face reality and move forward.
And even though I wish I could be done with all this mess, there are still things to do. And no one is going to clean them up for me. I have to do it. Sometimes I wish my life could be like Samantha from Bewitched. I wish I could wiggle my nose and get passed all the hard stuff. But I can’t. The only way to get up the mountain is to climb it. Cheesy? Maybe, but it’s also true. And sometimes it’s very tiring. But I will press on.
At this very moment, my kids are watching TV in the family room. They are warm and safe and they’ve done their chores and their homework. We sat at the table and ate our leftovers and talked about our day and that is what it is all about. This is life. And it is good. I’m thankful for them. And my job God has given to me as a parent is bigger than my pain. And I do not want to let them down. And if I can help it, I won’t.