You know when you find a good hairstylist you will do almost anything to keep her. And once you are there…in the relationship…you forgive almost anything too just because you feel so bad to “cheat on her”. Well mine talks on the phone too much. I’m always wondering if she’ll lose her train of thought and snip when she should have clipped or color what she should have bleached. But she is mine…until death do us part.
When I found out my husband was cheating on me with a woman from work in what was at the very least an emotional affair, I skipped an appointment or two. He promised me it was over. He promised me he would not leave. He promised but as the months went by I began to wonder. Things were not as they should be and I worried. My hair grew long and dull. It was floppy and misshaped. I forget when, but I think it was around April, that I braved the call and set up an appointment. She knew something was wrong by the looks of me and my hair, and I proceeded to recall the story with tears streaming down my face.
She goes to my church and she listened as she snipped, shook her head and pursed her lips. When I was done she said, “Livvy, I am going to tell you something. I’ve been in this business for 35 years. If he is telling you he wants to leave, there is another woman. If you are doing what you say and loving him, and giving him attention, and showing him forgiveness, there is no reason for him to leave unless there is someone else. Excuse me for saying so, but it’s the truth.”
She said it so emphatically that I did believe her. I didn’t want to and I denied it for months. I denied it when I found the woman’s facebook page and her status was no longer “married” but “it’s complicated.” I denied it when my husband recoiled at my touch and told me only “thank you” for the daily love notes I left him by his sink with a hand picked rose from our garden for 30 days straight. I denied it even when he sat up in the bed one night and declared, “I can’t do this anymore.” and without a word grabbed his pillow and marched downstairs to sleep on the couch never to return to our bed ever again. I even denied it when he packed his bags and walked out the door while I cried and begged him not to go along with my daughter. But deep down, I knew she was right.
About 6 months later at another appointment she asked me how it was going and I was still pretty sullen. My husband was gone but he was so kind on a day to day basis to me. He was paying the bills, and every now and then lingered for conversation when picking up the kids. I wondered if he was just taking time like he said to think and would be back. I wondered, hope against hope which gave way often times to despair. And knowing my desperation, she said something else to me. She said, “Livvy, I know what you did. I know you were faithful to him against his ignoring you, and treating you very poorly. You showed him God’s love, you were faithful. And listen to me. You will be rewarded for it. You will find something better. I have seen it time and time again. The person who is left. The person who is faithful to God and obeys God will be rewarded.” She proceeded to tell me about a man who was her client who’s wife was mean and nasty and had multiple affairs. Throughout the marriage he attempted to “do the right thing” and be a good husband. He chose to honor God instead of react as any human would. In the end his wife left him and within months he fell in love and has been happily married for decades.
I listened to her story and I thought it sounded good and I wanted to believe it but it seemed pretty fanciful for me to believe. I was now a cynic. So I shook my head, looked down with my eyes and kind of smiled, but in my head I was saying, “Yeah, whatever.”
I had another appointment with my stylist today and I had this amazing picture to show her of my friend in his tuxedo. I told her about how he was working on moving out here and how good we get along and how despite all of that, he was not putting pressure on me to make any life altering decisions but was gracious and gentle and protective in how he treated me. I went on and on and she stopped cutting my hair and spun me around and said, “Didn’t I tell you? Livvy, God has orchestrated all of this. He had you meet him in Dublin, He is working out the details for both of you and that is your reward. All you have to do is continue to be faithful to Him. All you have to do is trust Him. And you will have a life more abundant than you could have ever imagined. Mark my words. And your husband is going to be miserable. You did it right, you went about it the right way and you will have happiness. He did it the wrong way and thought the “grass is greener” and forever that relationship will be tainted. Good for you, I’m so happy for you.”
And I believed her. Why wouldn’t I. I just smiled and thought this time in my head. “Lord, if this is true what she has said, let it be. I’m truly only wanting what you want for me because I know it is the best I could ever have. I have my doubts at times, maybe from fear or just mere foolishness. Maybe I have doubts because of lack of trust. But Lord I know with all my heart there is no reason at this point to doubt except for fear. So Lord have your way with my life. Keep me pure, keep me honest, keep me full of your Holy Spirit. Forgive me for not trusting you completely and help me to do so today and tomorrow.”
And I decided something in that moment. I would forgive her for talking on the phone too much. Cause I know God was using her all along to encourage me to simply trust Him.