There comes a point of commitment in almost everything we do and before that point there is a lot of weighing, waffling, and worrying. I guess that is the stage I am in right now.
Recently I took my kids to Disneyland and we were trying to get my daughter to commit to riding the Tower of Terror. It was a long line and as we shuffled along slowly she would look at me and say, “I don’t know about this mom.” And I would reassure her and tell her that not only would she be safe, she would also have fun. But you know how those lines are. There are the signs that warn of back injury or heart attacks and there are moments along the way with the ominous music playing in the background, that give you the option to leave the line and ditch the ride. And then after sometimes a very long wait, you get to the point of commitment. You either have to get on the ride or go down the stairs and take your wimpy self off the ride even before it has begun.
That very thing happened the last time we were at Disneyland and we went on the ride without her and I was bummed because I knew she would have liked it. She just psyched herself out and let her fear get the best of her. This time though was different. The fear was still there but this time she didn’t give in to it. She sat right next to me and screamed and let me hold her hand tight when I got scared. And when the ride was over, she could not contain her excitement, her exhilaration, her elation. And I was so happy for her and us for getting to have the experience of the ride together.
So, right now I am at the edge of this new life. I have all of these options now and decisions to make along the way. And I know there are dangers, I know there are pitfalls, I know I could get hurt. But I also don’t want to watch life pass me by while I sit in my house night after night and day after day. I DO SO want to live. And lately I have been in line so to speak. Waiting for that moment of commitment. I have met this truly great guy and we are getting to know each other. And I don’t know how long this wait will be…you know this line. We talk everyday. We chat and we share. But I know there will come a point where I have to decide…am I going to go for it and get on this ride? Or am I going to opt out.
I have to admit that I’m glad I don’t have to decide yet. The wait is kind of fun in and of itself. But if I had to make it today, I would probably go for it because who wants to miss out on something that could be very good just because of fear? We’ll just have to see.